Thursday, December 31, 2009

01/01/2010 @ 12.01am. tomorrow is THE DAY. private and confidential

at this moment, i was looking outside from my window, i couldn't see the fireworks however i do heard them sounds like we are in the war.
tomorrow is going to a big day for me,
tomorrow me and some of friends will go for leadership camp organized by ukm.
it actually for all the future leaders, for YDP JAKSA- to-be, PMUKM-to-be, etc.etc.etc.
so, im not very well prepared actually.
i really wish i could tell everything in here, this whole week was really a hard week for me, i really wish i could write it all over here, but it is too many of them to tell, so i guess until tomorrow i wont stop writing.
i have to wake up eary for tomorrow new day, a new year 2010.

ya Allah,
if this is what is the better for me, than I will do it for the best I could be.
forgive me, before this I just think about myself, and never think about others.
Pn Teoh quote still bear in my mind and i couldn't stop thinking about what she had said during PPD class..
she told us, sounds like, 'never think about yourself, think about the others. if u just think about yourself, just like almost all the leaders on the top now, you wont ever go out".
yeah, she is soo right. before this i was thought if i become one of the top, and some people (or many of them) actually just doesnt like me at all, to become that one, and if i involved myself with this politic thing, what will happen to my exam result? my pointer already falls compared with pointer of last semester, so, i really dissapointed about it. i dont want to get dissapoint again.
before this, i keep telling myself that im doing a lot things to people, so was wishing of for my final year, i just can relaxs. all this make me fell awful about myself since what pn teoh had been said.
yeah, i am truly selfish and just think about me,me, myself and I.

just at the moment, i try my best to think about others. now, my self esteem getting a bit high, but still anxiety disorder controling over me everytime i think about it.
i keep thinking, this is the only chance for me to stand for nursing.
1st batch shows kak syikin and some of her peers also tand up for nursing.
then the 2nd batch, they already proved that they also did something to stand for nursing.
and now my batch, i really hopes i can contributes something for the nursing. my batch is good too. i want to prove that what dr hamidah or other lecturer said about our batch are truly wrong.

i dont know what i afraid of, i dont know what thing that i should bring about when i get there, and i still afraid of speaking out infront of people that i dont really know. i even still got nervous when i talk to my juniors year 1! ya Allah, i just need that confident to talk out loud infront of people, give me strengh for that.

wanie, you can do it. just remember the song by venessa carlton 'Watch Me Shine', you can do it.
be yourself. and have faith in yourself. trust yourself. you can do it.

I'm not your average type of girl
I'm gonna show the world
The strength in me
that sometimes they can't see

I'm about to switch my style
And soon things may get wild
But I will prove that
I can conquer anything

So from my head to toe
I'm taking full control
I'll make it on my own..this time
(Better watch me shine)

Better watch out going for the knockout
And I won't stop till I'm on top now
Not gonna give up until I get what's mine
Better check that I'm about to upset
And I'm hot now so you better step back
I'm taking over so watch me shine

Get ready here I come
Until the job is done
No time to waste
There's nothing stopping me
But you don't hear me though
So now it's time to show and prove I'm gonna be The best I can be
So from my head to toe
My mind body and soul
I'm taking full control This time

Bet you don't think I can take it
But my mind and body are strong
Bet you don't think I can make it It won't take long

(Vanessa Carlton, Watch Me Shine, Legally Blonde Movie)

Monday, December 28, 2009

undefined title.

dah lame sangat tak tulis blog.
sejak dapat result exam.
sejak dapat result darah,
sejak aku tolak jadi calon,
aku pon dah tak igt sejak bila,
tapi aku tak tertulis segalanya didalam blog ni,
aku tak termampu nak luahkan ape yg aku lalui sepanjang bulan ini,
aku terlalu lemah, hampir tiap-tiap hari kot aku menangis.
dah tak sanggup untuk aku tempuh hari esok,
dah tak sanggup aku nak lalui 'cabaran' hidup ini,
ada masa aku terpikir aku lebih rela dipendekkan umur,
tapi aku taknak, aku sayang mama, aku sayang family aku lagi.
aku nak tengok mereka semua gembira, bahagia dan berjaya dalam hidup,
baru aku sanggup untuk pergi dari dunia ni.
ya Allah, sesungguhnya ini lah cabaran yang harus aku tempuhi,
aku mohon padaMu, aku sudah tak sanggup lalui semua ini,
kurangkanlah derita ini,
kurangkan tangisan ini, aku cuba mencari sedikit kebahagiaan dalam hidup aku saat-saat ini,
tapi aku tak jumpa. adakah ini suatu balasan? adakah ini suatu cabaran? seharusnya aku puas dan lega melaluinya, tapi aku bertambah derita lagi. mata ini sudah letih untuk menangis lagi.
aku sudah penat berpura-pura seperti gembira. aku sudah tak mampu nak kuatkan semangat diri mengatakan semua ini hanyalah cabaran, aku dah tak lalu lagi nak monyokong diri sendiri, sedangkan aku tahu, aku tiada siapa lagi, aku tiada orang untuk sokong, aku seorang, aku yang rasa diriku independent, tapi hakikatnya aku seorang diri.

wani dah tidak ada semangat lagi.
wani rasa mahu lari sejauh mungkin tanpa toleh kebelakang lagi,
wani rasa mahu terbang tinggi sehingga tidak nampak bumi,
wani rasa mahu hempaskan kepala ini supaya hilang segala ingatan,
wani rasa mahu pergi tinggalkan dunia ini.

Monday, December 21, 2009

i wish i would never undergone medical check up at first

horrible day today for me..
letter that needs to be faxs to bangi was missing,
print out another letter for prof to sign again.
kem kompetensi generik this whole week, and they took marks for that!!
i took time leave for that program for me to go to my hemato appoinment today, so i guess they would probably deducted my marks already..
at first, i already bear in mind everything will be normal, i was assumed my 2nd blood result will be normal, but then when i arrived there, dr review my blood result and it was abnormal again. my PT still shows abnormal. still prolonged. then dr asked me so many damn questions, about my family history, symptoms, and many kind of things, then she performed physical examination.
everything was just perfectly normal, the physical examination was normal, but then that stupid blood result made her to make up an appointment for me with hemato lab, to investigate platelet function test.
my current diagnosis now: TRO Von Willibrand Disease.
so, next bloody hell blood appointment will be on 12/january/2010 9am tuesday at Daycare Hemato. but this time will be a bit different from previous blood taking, because i have to brings one healthy friend to draw out her blood to be the 'control' result, while me the 'patient' one of course.
and both of us need to fast at 12midnight before the appointment at the morning.
so i asked wan nadhirah, thanks a lot she agreed to be the control one. thanks a lot wan. I really apreciate it. and i do feels sorry for her..
then, next month 18/february/2010 another appoinment with hemato.

seriously, i dont have any interesting in doing anything right now, i dont have good moods, appetite slow down, i dont take my lunch and didnt buy anything for my dinner yet.
it was such a frustrating, i am in a denial stage right now, i still believe i am normal.
dont worry wanie, it just TRO. so i guess it still pending.
still KIV, so nothing will happen okey. evertything will be okey..
since i met dr today until right now at the moment, i keep telling myself DONT WORRY but i am worry!!! stop!stop!stop! stop thingking about it! i want to live like a normal like others!

i wish i would never undergone for medical check up at first..


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

LOves Hang Out - Cousins Day Out

i just came back from hemato clinic, AGAIN for blood investigation.
i dont know until when they will poke my arm to get my blooody blood.
next appointment will be next year. on monday 21/jan/2010.
whatever it is, i still bear in mind that's nothing is wrong with me.
i am totally absolutely NORMAL. and im not ill, im not sick.

tonight me and omet are going to stadium near to my college
to watch band comp. its not band groups like bunkface or babyface (haha~)
its pasukan pancaragam from many high schools.
i walked over the padang during went to clinic this morning, i saw one of the band practised over there, sudden goosebump and instantly getting excited for toninght!!!
well, watching band comp will reminds me a lot back-to-school-memories.
besides, i dont have anything to do tonight, and yet i should celebrates my semester break holiday before antoher new upcoming semester 5th next week, so i guess no excuses to me to not to go.

yesterday me and omet also went to mid velly,
we went back home around 11.0pm like that, my dad, picked me at lrt, and he said nothing, and he didnt get mad since i went back home at late. plus, because of him (we stucked over traffic jam at bangsar area), so he supposed to not to get angry.
yesterday, i bought new dress from mango, AGAIN.
and THANK YOU to Lovely Lace Room Fragrance, your smells really made my day (everyday).
besides spent a long time at Lovey Lace, we also did spent a LONG time at Watson, i bought loreal facial foam, safi eye contour cream, safi elovera cream, tooth paste and dental floss.
i dont remember what omet bought, but the thing is, we LOVE shopping.
i guess, we are genetically inherited for being shopaholic.
so please dont blame me if im a shopaholics. blame our great grand parents!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

"Wanie Heartless"

today somebody broke my heart. seriously i dont even know why i'm writting this over here, but this guy that i dont even care, he's totally not important to me, i'll prefer to call him as a friend. or a good friend. but i dont know why today, he made me cry.
i know im a 'bitch' to him eventhough i do try my best to not to be called like that. i am not.

i almost lost my respect towards you. but then i realised that im not supposed to. maybe you were right. maybe im too sensitive.or maybe because i am the kind of person whose doesn't take things seriously. or maybe you can label me as a 'wanie heartless'.

eventhough sometimes i'm quite harsh to people, but inside me, only God knows how my feeling is. I am fragile. eventhough they unpurposedly many times insulted over me, and they think that it doesnt look like that i care so much, so they keep insulting, and yet im still looking dull, but deep inside me, my heart crashed. God, i really really need strength. I ADMIT, I AM NOT STRONG. I am not strong enough for this.
why do they always insulting over me, or is it because of im too over-sensitive?

i am not perfoct. but i do try to change to be better. and PLEASE i need support. not judging.
People keep judging over the other poeple, i guess, thats why people doesnt want to change, because they are afraid to be called as a hypocrits..

i just need a chance. times. and space to fulfill myself. i need friends. good friends that understand me and support me. not judging over me.

otherwise, i AM happy with myself.
i am so tired, pretending that I looks okey.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Bloody Blood Result

yesterday I went to my medical appointment regarding of my blood result.
i went there at 11am, waited ther for so long for my turn to meet doctor, waited for about one and half hour but then, when i got there in doctor's room, he just reviewed my blood result and said that the result is abnormal. he refer me to hemato.
what a Hell! i mean, i'd waited for so long, and he just doing nothing (like checking me or something), not more than 5 minutes then, we're done!

after that, i went to medical clinic to get the new appoinment with hematologist. so, my next appoinment will be on 21th january, but before that i have to go to the clinic earlier for another blood taking. shut up. how many my bloody blood do they need?

i am normal. i dont feels sick. i dont feels any pain at anywhere. it just that my prothrombin time is prolonged about 0.2 sec than normal range, so what? isn't that normal? nothing''s wrong with that. i still able to live right now. stupid blood result. stupid hemato. stupid everything that push me into this kind of situation.

i dont care so much if my blood is abnormal. i dont care so much if i get injured or prolonged bleeding or poor healing whatsoever! but what i most care so much about is when i have to wasted my precious time to that bloody hell appoinment and bloody hell blood taking!

yesterday, i settled all the proposal thing, i met En. jamal regarding of kembara siswi, then last night i slept at 3 am just to finished the bloody hell proposal thing. seriously, i am so tired and upset. i got headache when i woke up this morning.

this is an awfulness-semester break, instead of this abnormal blood appoinment thing, i have to settle kembara siswi program because all the committee members are having a great-wonderfulness-semester break.


Saturday, December 5, 2009

Langkawi and Family

i just came back from Family-Vacation-at-Langkawi. eventhough LIMA this year was not very happening like previous, but we do really had a good time together as a family. but Azmi my brother wasn't with us, he had been busy with his Palapes-So-Called-Thing so, we are a bit boring without him especially my little (not to litte) brother Azam.

after all LIMA was sooooo boring this year! actually, maybe because we already went for LIMA event at previous years, and plus, my dad is an army, my brother Azmi joined Palapes UITM, my little brother wants to be a pilot, my Atok was a Askar Melayu, My Moyang is "Dato' Bahaman" so all my entire family IS AN ARMY while I AM A NURSE???!! HAhaha. weird isn't. I dont even had any experienced in kawad, i never went to PLKN, and im doing nursing. NEVER EVER in my 'head-brain' thinking of joining any-related-to-army-thing.

but one thing that i think it would probably related me to an army is that once in a while (actually many times i guess), i had day dreams of marrying a pilot. (huaargh! this is supposed to be a BIG SECRET!) pilot is HOT. i've seen them came out from that roket (jet? flight? whatever it is), they are totally-awesomeness-hottest type of guy i ever seen in ther fittest hottest outfit ever! HAHAha! xD

actually, i want to talk about LAngkawi. Langkawi is always beautiful as usual. when i was in the plane, when i was up there what can i say is that i am really much so thankful to Him as He give me an eyes to see that such a beautiful clouds, and sea, i am so much glad He give me a heart for me to feels for that feelings of comfort, and calmness, and give me the brain for me to memorized what i'd seen and what i'd felt.

when i was up there, i was thinking, down there, with a lots of people, politics, race and religious, problems, doing their usual things, their jobs, thier role and their part in their life and i am so thankful to God because i am still here, alive, able to breath, able to write this notes, and even i have problems, i always used to think that out there people face thier problems too, why cant i faces them too? why cant i just go through over it.

when i looked into the blue sky, then i closed my eyes, and i opened my eyes again and i saw the sky still beautifuly blue. no matter how much we try to avoid or close our eyes many times to any kind of situations, it wont change anything.

we usually hope that people around us will change for us. we always hope that people around us will understand our situation. if this keeps going on, then it wont change anything much unless we change ourself for people around us, and try to understand them, i guess thats the only way to solve everything.

just arrived at Langkawi Airport.

bought loads of chocolates for my friends and cousin!!

beautiful blue sky.. i love it!

me and my brother Azam

samseng siblings! hahaha

the very unfriendly steward

Monday, November 30, 2009

miss shopaholic money manager

Dear girls out there,

today i want to share with all of you how to manage your money.
why did i only mentioned to all girls only? BECAUSE GIRLS LOVE SHOPPING.
I LOVE shopping too. but i do save my money.
I crazily madly love shopping.
i even love reading books from sophie kinsella shopaholic's story books!! her novels really inspired me a lot!

back to the topic.
how do you save your money in a mean while you become a shopaholic.
sounds crazy huh.

1. I only spend about rm5-6 per day for foods. I eat rice or heavy meals only once per day either during lunch or dinner. if i take my lunch, i dont take dinner. so my dinner will be just light meals such biscuits or maggie or bread. And im still able to survive!! hahahaha.

2. i keep my 50cent in my 'tabung telur'. everytime when i got changes 5ocent, i dont use it. i keep it and put it into my tabung. right now, amaizingly, my 50cent tabung already got rm100 plus plus!! i didnt realised i able to keep that much! haha.

3. everytime i got my JPA scolarship (about rm5200.00 per semester), i kept rm1000.oo in my ASB (Amanah Saham Berhad) account. now im in 5th semester already (and cant wait for new upcoming semester and upcoming JPA scolarship!!), I able to save about rm5800.oo! My target, at the end of final semester which is semester 8, i able to save about rm10,000.00. yeah, thats my goal. got 3 years more to go. i have to save rm1500 for the last three semesters. then my goal will achieved. ahaha.

4. shopping. i go shopping frequently with my cousin. i shop until i drop, until my knee hurts, until i feels regret and start to save my money again, start to dieting again, and i never regret because after that my money that i saved become too-over-saving. ahaha. last month, i bought two dresses from MNG (mango), one dress cost about rm125.00, and another one is about rm199.00. i also bought body lotion from body shop, maybelline blusher and mascara, me and my cousin celebrate our 'cousins-night-out' at starbucks, then recently i bought new hand bag at JB during my clinical posting at Hospital Permai, then i realised i was too over spent!!! i started saving my money and at the end of semester, during my final exam, i went check my money in the account, suprisingly, my money that i had been saved were about rm2000 plus plus. amaizing right. so, my advise, GO SHOPPING!!! :D

this two pictures are not related to my posted. saje2 je letak. ahaha.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I Was Bleeding Again

today i went to clinik warga for my 1st dental appoinment.
the dentist asked me, if i have any medical problem. i told her,
last year i went to private dentist clinic near to my house, for tooth extraction.
i was experienced bleeding for 28 hours non stop. i went back to the clinic,
i dont know what procedure dr done to my tooth, then it went back to normal, no more bleeding after that. then he asked me to go for medical check up to rule out any bleeding disorder. he also did asked me if i had any family history of bleeding disorder. i guess, i dont have any family history of any kind of medical problem except diabetes and hypertension..

well, it was a year ago.

about 5-6 month ago, my left toe nail accidentally pulled out during camping at pulau pangkor with my Permanis community. it was my first experienced and it was hardly badly painful i ever felt for 3 months! i cant walk properly, i cant wear sport shoes, i even cant wear high heels for 3 months!! every day have to do dressing, dr asked me to go to clinic for daily dressing, but during 1st time that crazy nurse doing dressing to my toe, what can I said, the pain i felt during that dressing is much more painful rather than it being pulled out! i was shouting and screeming crazily but that nurse dont even look at me! what a hell! if you want to be a nurse, you supposed to look at patient's face during dressing to know how much the pain experienced by patient and you are supposed to know what interventions for the pain management! you know what, what I had been experienced really tought me to take note and to be careful handle people in pain. if you want to be a good nurse, you must acknowledge this 5th vital signs which is the pain. if you dont bother about the pain experience by the patients, then dont be a nurse. find another job.

back to the story, the thing is, i was experienced non stop bleeding during dressing. however it happen just about 3 days only. then the bleeding stop. but still i was in pain.

i remembered, last time, my friend check my blood glucose. using needle to prick my finger, she accidentally prick too deep. so, it was bleeding. even afer tomorrow, i purposely squeeze my finger, and the blood came out. but it just small tiny blood.
oh yea, one more thing, i also did experienced bleeding nose during hot sunny day. that time i was at Negeri Sembilan. it was very warm day, i got fever and blood suddenly came out from my nose. only me who experienced it, my other friends didnt. so not fair.
sometimes, when i scratch my legs, if i too over-scatch it, then i got bruising after that. sometimes its bleeding. i thought it was normal. never thought something wrong with that.
i just queries, if i have any bleeding disorder.

after dental appoinment today, doctor asked me to go to medical appoinment and check my blood. then, i met doctor medical, he interviewed me many questions about my history of what so ever, then i went to clinic, staff nurse drawn out my blood to send for investigations.

so, today, i have to NBM(fasting) for 6 hours. i cant talk, i cant eat anything warm. so, i just drinks ice coffee and ice blanded. still not eating anything yet right now. even if I allowed to eat, i wont eat anything. because i dont have mood right now. and im tired because yesterday i slept at 3am and woke up early, however i dont want to sleep right now, because i dont feel like want to sleep. i dont know what is in my mind at the moment, maybe anxious, maybe worried, or maybe thought block. ahahaha...

owh no. next appoinment will be next monday to trace my blood result and meet doctor again..( no more dentist! everytime went to dentist, dr surely will asked me to check my blood! i hate it. ) and on sunday have jaksa meeting. what an awfulness-semester-break i ever had. give me a break!!!!!!!!!


my cousin always used to share her feelings with me.
she is my cousin and of course everything she had been through, or what she felt, is matters to me. my old school and matric's friends also used me to share feelings.
I dont know why, but i think i have this special that what i've said, makes them want to hear more. maybe one day i could probably be a counsellor. eww. no way.. i will be a nurse. hurm, but yet still i will give advises to patient. so i will be a councellor either. ahahhha. cant run away from that reality. ;p

my cousin broke up with his bf about 2-3 months ago. i really understand how she felt. she express her feelings to me, and my part, i just need to be a good listener and sometimes give a little advises. but it seems like all my advises wont work at all. she unable to forget him. i told her not to stalk over his page anymore, but she's not listening! she still keep stalkering over his facebook, then she found that he's already in realtionship with someone. my cousin got upset. im getting sick for all of this! come on girl! grow up! be a women! be strong okey! why cant you just be a strong women? why is every women have to stalk over your ex-boyfriend's facebook and then get upset and ruin all your perfect day?? whay cant you just enjoy your day, do your things, girl-things, anythings that makes you happy? why do you have to hurt yourself? he's not hurting you, but its you yourself who hurt your feelings okey!

just move on. he doesnt belong to you. you are too perfect enough for that kind of guy. you deserve a better man. he seems to be a useless guy okey. and all girls out there, please la dont be stupid, dont ruin your life, your day, or yourself for the guy that never care about you.

i guess, this is why im still single. i dont have time for all of this stuff. to me, guys out there are meaningless. what meaningful to me is just myself. enjoying myself, and my perfect day. a guy called 'boyfiend', will just give a big mess in my life. so, back off boyfriends! i dont need boyfriend. but i do need husband. because i want children one day. hahahaa.. whatever it is, i dont want to think about boyfriend yet. let me enjoy my young-lady-adult-moment first okey.

You Are What You Eat, You Are What You Wear.

I remembered this quote said by my mom foster, Datuk Atikah.
"You Are What You Eat, You Are What You Wear"
EVERYTHING she had said, was really inspired me a lot.
LAst week I was decluttered my room before semester holiday started.
So, I found my personal journal during Intercultural Experience ala Homestay Program.
I was wondering should I just throw it away because it just makes my room a mess.
but then, when I open it up, I realize it is a piece of my own art.
what I've wrote inside, really makes me feel good.
really makes me feel great. I am a good women. Im not a girl anymore.
that's what I felt after reading it.

The program was organised by NCWO.
stand for: National Council Women's Organisations.

Here is one of my masterpiece. I wrote about Image Building's summary in my journal.

Image uilding for Young Lady.
1. Ability to communicate
2. Public speaking
3. Presentation Yourself
4. Knowledge

this four criteria are very important to be an excellent young lady.

1. Presentation Yourself (Dressing and Grooming).
"you are what you wear". because when people see you, they give you their first impression by looking at your dress first. Not at how much the prize, or how expensive, or how sexy and gorgeous you are, people look at your presentation, cleanliness and appropriate. so, dress appropriately according to events or places.

2. Words. Talks or Conversation and Communication.
"you are what you say". What you say, who are the person you are saying about, how would you say to care for people feelings, how do you communicate, all this give reflex what kind of person you are.

3. Eat. Foods.
"you are what you eat". Eat healthy food. If you want to looks young, eat more vitamin C, it gives you beautiful skin and your immune system well-functioning. well, I likes coffee so much. I took at least one cup of coffee everyday. I dont care if people out there say that coffee is not very healthy, but recently, I've read this article said about coffee. coffee actually makes you feels happy and gives you looks young. its true! I do always feels happy and feels very young. i do enjoy every moment in my life, and I do enjoy my coffee crazily! and I wont regret. but one day, if I become a pregnant women, then only I will stop drinks coffee, okey baby. :D

Mom also had mentioned about IMPACT.
I- Integrity
M- Manners
P- Personality
A- Appearance/Attractive
C- Consistant
T- Act (careful)

I dont remember so much about all of this. but I do appreciate it very much. I wrote too many in my journal and still not finish reading it, its really inspired me a lot. thanks mom. I try my best to not to forget all of your advices. =)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

aku suka. aku tak suka. aku punya suka ar.


1. laut kaler biru, sunset.

2. makan ikan keli masak sambal. hari2 makan. kalo satu hari tak makan, rasa jiwa ini kosong.

3. nescafe. hari2 kene minum nescafe panas, nescafe ice ke, neslo ice pon sedap gile.

4. cakap sorang2 depan cermin. memang tiap2 hari buat. aku akan rasa lebih tenang lepas tu. takpe. aku tak gila. doktor cakap, adalah baik cakap sorang2. salah satu terapi psychology and reduce mental stress. huuhu..

5. lari. dulu aku suka masuk lari jogathon, marathon, walkathon, segala thon aku dah masuk dan selalu dapat top ten! hahaha! aku suka lari!

6. aku suka jalan laju2 gak. dalam wad dah biasa jalan lelaju kot.ahahaha.

7. aku suka jadi nurse. aku taknak jadi tutor ajar student nurse. taknak! nak jadi nurse jugak sampai aku tua. tak peduli kalau penat dgn shift. tak kisah ar gaji tak banyak.

8. bace novel sophie kinsella. sume novel dia yg shopaholic tu aku dah baca. mmg best ar. cite dia buat aku gelak sorang2 dan nangis sorang2.....

9. subject o&g. aku suka peadiatric jugak, tapi tak suka nicu. oh, psy.. best jgak kot.. best dapat dengar org cita masalah. then baru fikir bukan aku sorang je ada masalah, ada org lagi bnyk masalah, then baru aku sedar yg aku ni kuat jugak hadapi masalah. org lain sampai dpt major depression disorder.. kesian.. so aku patut bersyukur aku masih boleh tahan..

10. aku suka tgk perempuan cantik. cantik semulajadi la. tapi yg seksi tu, sori naik lori ar. aku tak suka. cantik tu cantik wajahnya, cantik akhlaknya. ada satu rasa nak jadi mcm dia. rasa dia jdi idola aku....


1. perokok (busuk punye olang!!!). mulut busuk! gigi busuk! gigi kuning!

2. orang membebel cakap benda tak penting. shut up and get lost!

3. tengok cite yg ramai org tengok. cite indon intan ntah pape! sampai episod 100 lbih! benci aku cite tu, melambangkan lemah sgt pompuan tu. asik ditimpa malang dalam hidup. menyampah aku. cite nur kasih mmg ar best sbb islamic, tp kalo dah smpi cancel event sbb cite tu, bek takyah. nasib baik aku tak pernah tgk cite tu. ntah pape ar.

4. budak yg blaja tinggi2 tapi berlagak pandai, memang ar die pandai, tapi jangan ar belagak sangat cam ko terer sume benda, mengada btol.

5. ada lelaki yang aku tak kenal dok 'buzz'2 aku kat ym. menyibuk betul! aku dah delate pon msih dok buzz. gi berambus ar! aku lempang karang! nak je aku sepak kepala lutut ko!

7. bila ada org kat facebook upload profile picture muka sendiri tapi ckp diri tu hodoh la, sememeh la. tolong ar jgn buat cmtu. konon bajet cun, tp rendah diri ar konon. da posing2maut, tunjukkan muka yang cantik, pastu ckp 'aku sememeh' 'muka bangon dri tido'. poyo gle. hipokrit.

8. aku tak suka jgk pompuan duk upload muka diri sndri posing yg sama. kalo dah sampai 100 keping posisi yang sama, wat muke emo la, mke comel la, takyah la, ko memang da cantik, nak upload pic banyak camtu nak watpe. nak wat setem ke.

9. manusia yg kejar pangkat, sibok nak pegang banyak position tapi tak buat keje. ntah apa la yg ko buat sangat. tahu mengarah orang je. tunjuk la contoh yang baik siket kat orang bawah. hape la.

10. aku jenis cepat marah. tapi cepat peramah. so, kalo aku jenis cepat marah, jangan ar buat aku marah. nak tegur aku, tegur dengan cara yang elok ar wei. ni nak kutuk-kutuk aku, dalam ati aku ni, nak je aku lempang kau sekuat hati aku sampai terabur gigi ko!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Bachelor of Nursing UKM

just now, i was talking to myself. again.
God, i just cant stop that habit.
always talk to myself when im alone by myself. in my room.

i was thought about what am I doing now,
what would I become,
what will happen next?

why do i choose nursing?
actually that was the wrong question to be asked,
actually, i should ask,
whay do i choose UKM nursing?
wy dont i choose UITM or USM nursing?
UKM nursing was my 1st choice, then UITM and USM was the second and third.
why do I choose UKM as the first????

after i finished study at matriculation,
i know my result wasn't so good enough to do medicine.
i only got 3.61.
however, its because my 1st sem, i've got 3.47
then the next sem, i've got 3.80.
well, not bad, i've got 3.80
but it just unfortunately for me
i only got 3.61 for the whole semsesters.

wel, never mind, i dont want to talk about what the past anymore.
let just talk about what the future will be.

during my time to determined myself, where should i go to study for nursing.
at that time, i know i wasn't good enogh for doing medicine, but i dont want to give up.
im still with my decision to work in hospital.
working with people, that called as patient.
and being called by others as strangers if they are not in medical line.

so, i guess, i better choose nursing, plus,
i think i have this kind of ability,
that i am able to speak out, easy to get along with any kind of people,
i know that ability since i was in school.
so, nursing is the best course for me to work with.
plus, i think i am a kind of caring person, somethimes or always??? ;p

so, the question is, why do i choose UKM nursing??
it because I know (everybody know) UKM is the best university after UM.
but UM doesnt have nursing course for post-matriculation,
so, thats why i choose UKM nursing course.

but I know, i realise, i was wrong.
yes. UKM is the best University.
but for nursing course, UKM maybe not.

i found out that UITM nursing course,
they have their own faculty. it called as 'Kuliyah of Nursing'.
isnt that nice name???
why dont UKM have Faculty of Nursing?
why do 'us' have to share with medicene stuents in one faculty?
oh. I was wrong of saying that.
actually, it should sound like,
why do we have to 'menumpang' faculty of medicine?
why dont we have our own faculty like UITM does?
and about USM,
USM is the first University that their nursing bachelor had graduated earlier.
while UKM, out 1st batch, just had been released this year. i mean, they just graduated.
some of them, still 'mengganggur'!
you know why?
because of they are BACHELOR!
OMG! im so affraid whats going to be happen to us next??!!
are we going to menganggur jugak??? xO oh no!
whay this should happen to me? it is like some kind of a curse to me!

back to the topic, USM is the first university that released bachelor of nursing the most earlier. so, it turns that i think, USM is much more better that UKM.

oh God..
I feel so dissappointed when I knew about it..
all my friends..
al the seniors.. they feel the same way too..
and the juniors,
they didn't find out yet.
they seems too ,to small, to naive, to know all about this stuff.
and if they know all about this,
they will very dissappointed, just like I do..

we feel like being betrayed.
we feel like something stabbing on our back.
UKM stabbed us! how could!
i feel so sad.
we are far away from UKM Bangi,
we dont have the 'campus life' like others UKM students do have!
we are benig placed at Cheras, since year 1.
and are not being placed into Kolej, but the at Kampus Luar which is Laman Midah.
we had been exposed to the hospital environment, to the public bacause have to stay at Laman Midah apartment instead of Kolej. While, the rule of 'All year one and year 3' have to stay at the Kolej' cannot be used anymore. useless rule! that's why nursing students love to break the rules!. no wonder nursing students have many kind of social problem!!! so, they are not the only one who can be blamed for that.
we have to adjust our life to work in hospital environment since year 1.
we have to arrange our times for studying and working.
working? we are not workers, yet!
we are students!
why dont we just have our own students life???? like others do??!!

plus, we are stuck over here, with medicine students,
and have to fight for our right!
just because we are smaller group, and the medical students they are so many of them,
and they are very mean to us!
and hey! it doesn't mean that we are not good enough!
we are strong! we are sooo outspoken,
because we know, we are the only course that being 'dipinggirkan'!
we are stuck between UKM Bangi, and Faculty of Medicine!

but never mind,
whatever it is, we have to look foward.
there's nothing much we can do about the past.
what past going to be the past.
now we are here already. we have to face all this kind of challanges.

Banchelor of Nursing, UKM.
i still proud when im saying that.
never mind if we dont have our own faculty,
never mind if medical students never treat us in a good way. they treat us badly, only some of them have a good heart. (i wonder how can they be a good doctors someday with that kind of attitudes???)
never mind if we have to work harder to get what we supposed to deserved.
never mind if we dont have that 'campus life' like other students do.
because im very pround with my course.
we all very small group, but we are very strong.
nothing's going to break us apart.

ya Allah, give us strength for all this.
we need You so much.
i dont want to feel heartbraking again.
i dont want my juniors to feel heartbraking like we do.
they are much better then us, they just dont deserve all this.
they got 4.00 for their matrics pointer,
so let they feel happy and glad when entering nursing..
they just dont deserve to feel dissappointed like we do..

Thursday, October 15, 2009

luahan hatiku selepas posting di wad paediatrik.

petang tadi aku tidur.
aku mimpi sebuah mimpi yang tak mungkin dilupakan.
kerana selepas aku bangun
aku menangis seketika.

aku mimpi bayi yang kecil,
yang sedang menangis apabila berseorang.
dan ketika aku menghampiri dia,
die tersenyum manis sangat.
aku tak boleh lupa wajah manis itu.

bila aku bangun,
aku cuba mengingati mimpi itu semula,
lalu aku menangis.

aku rindukan dia,
bayi kecil yang pernah aku jaga
ketika posting di wad paediatrik.
seminggu aku jaganya.
aku mandikannya.
aku susukannya.
aku bermain bersama dia.
bermain di tempat permainan.
die gembira apabila ada orang yang bermain dengannya.
dia senyum setiap kali aku menghampirinya.
seolah-olah dia sudah mengenali aku.

aku rindukan dia.
anak kecil berbaju pink.
kulitnya putih dan cantik.
bibir dia merah jambu dan halus
semua yang melihat dia pasti akan tersentuh.
dan semua yang pernah menjaga dia
pasti akan mengingati dia dan merindui dia.
seperti aku sekarang.

kenapa dia dibuang?
kenapa ada ibu yang sanggup membuangnya?
kenapa bodoh sangat manusia kerana sanggup buang bayi kecil yang comel itu?
kenapa bayi itu yang tidak bersalah perlu menghadapi dunia yang kejam ini?

dia yang kecil itu,
walaupun senyumannya yang indah,
dia bakal menempuh dunia yang kejam ini,
dunia yang tidak adil ini.
siapa ayahnya?
siapa ibunya?
siapa yang akan menjaganya selepas ini?
cukupkah kasih sayang yang diperolehinya itu?

ya Allah,
kau lindungilah anak kecil itu.
curahkannya dengan penuh kasih sayang.
aku hanya manusia
mahu manusia yang pernah aku jaga,
dilindungi dari segala bencana
dan disihatkan tubuh badan.
aku sayang dia, anak yang kecil itu,
walaupun hanya diberi peluang menjaganya selama seminggu,
walaupun aku tidah pernah kenal dia sebelum ini,
aku berdoa pada mu ya Allah,
agar kau lindungi anak itu.
agar Kau permudahkan segala urusan yang bakal dilaluinya.
semoga Kau sembuhkan segala penyakitnya.

Hari ini,
ketika perjalanan ku ke kelas psikiatrik,
aku terserempak dengannya di lif.
aku tak sangka akan bertemu dengannya lagi walaupun sesaat itu.
terima kasih ya Allah untuk saat itu.
kerana aku mulai sedar
apa itu erti kasih sayang yang sebenar.

ketika aku bertentang mata dengan anak kecil tiu,
dia tersenyum,
seolah-olah masih mengenali aku.
dia sudah semakin besar,
dan aku tak akan mungkin melupakan wajahnya itu,
sehingga akhir hayatku.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

jagan bersedih wani.. Aku sentiasa ada Dia.

ketika aku sedang menulis blog ini,
aku sedang mengangis.
tidak tahu kenapa dan atas sebab apa aku menangis.
mungkin kerana sunyi.
rindu akan keluarga?
tidak perlu lah sampai menangis, kerana
every weekends aku balik rumah jumpa keluarga.

aku memangis kerana,
aku rindu kan life aku yang dulu.
aku rindukan kawan-kawan aku di laman midah dulu.
memang aku akui kehidupan aku di kolej sekarang lebih baik dari yang dulu,
dak aku bahagia disini, aku peroleh ramai kawan baru,
dan aku belajar banyak benda baru,
aku berdikari sendiri,
aku beranikan diri seorang diri,
tinggalkan kawan-kawan ku,
housemateku yang aku sayangi walaupun aku tidak tunjukkan sayang itu,
aku rindukan life yang aku yang dulu,

namum aku paksa diri ini,
untuk mula sesuatu yang baru disini.

aku rasa tenang disini.
aku tetap gembira

walaupun kadang kala aku tertekan dengan kerja kebajikan kolej.
kerja assigment, lebih-lebih lagi aku tiada siapa untuk aku rujuk,
untuk aku bertanya apabila aku tidak faham.
apabila menjelang exam,
aku lagi risau kerana aku seorang diri disini,
tiada tempat aku nak rujuk,

tiada kawan untuk aku bertanya,
aku risau kalau aku ketinggalan.

walaupun mereka kata, aku rajin buat kerja,
aku bagi komitment yang baik,
itu adalah kerana,
sebab aku mahu hilangkan
rasa sunyi dalam hati ini,
aku tidak mahu teringat kalau aku disini seorang diri,
aku tak mahu menangis dan bersedih
kerana merasa aku seolah keseorangan disini.
dan untuk sebab itu,
aku sibukkan diri ini,
buat kerja rumah, mengemas rumah,
buat kerja kebajikan kolej,
kerana itu matlamat utama aku pindah kolej,
kerana aku pernah mengangkat sumpah,
untuk bertanggungjawab menjaga kebajikan kolej,
aku tidak mahu melanggar sumpah ku,

aku sibukkan diri dengan buat assigment,
walaupun tiada tempat untuk aku rujuk.
tiada kawan untuk aku bertanya,
aku sibukkan diri ini,
hanya kerana aku mahu hilangkan rasa sunyi dalam diri.

tapi sebenarnya, aku tidak tahu,
sampai bila aku mampu bertahan.
aku tak guna hipokrit.
konon nya aku mampu bertahan,
aku mampu hidup keseorangan,
aku mampu berdikari,
kononnya aku kuat dan cekal,
waaupun aku seorang disini.
dan sememangnya itu adalah hipokrit,
keranan realitinya,
aku rindukan kawan-kawan aku.
aku perlukan kawan-kawan aku,
aku tidak kuat seperti yang disangkakan.
aku manusia yang lemah,
aku perlukan mereka untuk tempat aku rujuk,
untuk membimbing aku,
bersama-sama cekalkan diri menempuh realiti,
aku rindu mereka teramat sangat.
aku rindu housemate aku, roomate aku,
rakan-rakan satu batch nursing.
rakan-rakan satu perjuangan aku.

mereka tidak rindu aku ke?
mereka tak teringatkan aku ke?
mereka tak menangis kerana rindukan aku ke?

kenanpa aku harus menangis untuk mereka?
ya Allah, sekarang baru aku rasa betapa aku sayangkan kawan-kawan aku.
walaupun aku sering jauhkan diri dari mereka,
tapi aku sayang kan mereka,
rindukan mereka,
perlukan mereka.

ya Allah, lindungi lah kawan-kawan ku,
jauhi mereka dari kesakitan dan bencana,
sihatkan tubuh badan mereka,
kuatkan semangat mereka.
cekalkan hati mereka,

aku disini kerana aku ada tangungajwab.
kalau tidak kerana tanggungjawab ini,
aku tak mungkin tinggalkan mereka.

maafkan aku sahabatku,
aku bersalah tinggalkan mereka,
kerana aku disini seorang diri,

berpeluang dan merasai manisnya nikmat kehidupan mahasiswa.
tetapi mereka belum tentu akan merasainya.

aku memang ada life yang baik disini,
even much better than before.
aku cuma ingin menulis di ruang ini,
hanya untuk memberhentikan air mata ini,
hanya untuk katakan,
aku rindukan mereka ,

aku perlukan mereka,
rakan-rakan seperjuanganku,

aku dan mereka sahabat-sahabatku,
kami yang kecil ini,
kami yang di pinggirkan ini,
suara kami tidak kuat,
kerana kami kumpulan yang kecil,
tapi kami akan sentiasa berdoa kepadaMu ya Allah,
semoga kau terus berikan kami kekuatan
untuk menempuhi cabaran dan dugaanMu.
kerana lebih banyak lagi rintangan yang bakal kami hadapi.

dan aku disini,
aku tidak keseorangan,
aku ada Mu ya Allah.
bila lagi aku kesunyian,
bila lagi aku menagis rindu akan kelaurga dan rakan-rakan seperjuangan ku,
akan aku menangis sepuas hatiku,
kerana tiada siapa yang akan nampak,
kalau ada yang nampak,
mereka bukan pedulikan aku.
lagi banyak aku menangis, lagi kuat aku berdoa padaMu,
lagi dekat diriku pada solatku.
dan mungkin inilah manisnya hikmah yang aku perolehi
semenjak aku pindah disini.
dan saat ini,
terima kasih untuk tangisan tadi.
kerana aku mulai lega,
dapat meluahkan apa yang terpendam di hati ini.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

masih ada kegembiraan di bulan syawal.

jamuan hari raya hari ini
simple tetapi meriah.
jumpa dengan kawan-kawan satu batch aku.
tak jumpa mereka sejak bulan puasa lagi kerana
semua positng wad yang berbeza.
sempat aku bersalaman dengan mereka memohon ampun dan maaf.
banyak juga cerita dikongsi bersama.
biasalah perempuan kalau dapat bercakap sesama sendiri,
tak ingat yang awak tu perempuan. hehe.
sempat juga aku bertemu dengan adik-adik tahun 1.
dan jugak adik-adik tahun 2.
makin dewasa mereka.
dan aku yang tahun 3.
dan makin tua lah aku.
banyak hidangan yang disediakan.
ada laksa, lodeh, kuah raya, meruku, nasi minyak, rendang, lemang, ketupat.
cik lex siap masak roti lagi.
sedap taw. thanks cik lex. :)
cik lex yang baik hati walaupun kadang-kadang garang.
selepas menjamu selera,
sempat juga bermaaf-maafan dengan para lecturer, tutor dan CI.
dengan dr. hamidah, ketua jabatan yang disayangi.
prof zul, pengetua dan jaksa-jaksa pun turut hadir memeriahkan majlis.
hari yang gembira dan kekenyangan.
kemudian jam 3pm masuk semula wad paeds 3.
memulakan kembali seperti hari-hari biasa.
rutin di wad sebagai pelajar kejururawatan.
sekejap sahaja jamuan raya.
tetapi walaupun sekejap,
aku tidak mahu lupanya.
kerana itulah bakal jadi kenangan di masa hadapan
ketika diriku
bergelar pelajar kejururawatan.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

You belong with Me..

You're on the phone with your girlfriend,
She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do
I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do
But she wears short skirts,
I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me
Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels,
I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong.
I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

Monday, September 28, 2009

Pengajaran daripada kisah dongeng Sang Kura-kura & Sang Arnab

Aku yakin ramai yang dah biasa dengar cerita Sang Kura-Kura berlumba dengan Sang Arnab kan??
Tapi, pernah dengar tak sambungan kepada cerita dongeng tersebut???
This is one of my favourite story.
Very inspiring!

Pada satu masa dahulu, Sang Kura-kura dan Sang Arnab berdebat tentang siapa yang lebih pantas. Mereka bersetuju untuk menyelesaikan perdebatan itu dengan satu perlumbaan. Mereka memilih laluan dan perlumbaan pun bermula.. Sang Arnab terus memecut laju. Setelah yakin yang dia telah jauh meninggalkan Sang Kura-kura, dia bercadang untuk berehat di bawah pokok sebelum meneruskan perlumbaan. Sang Arnab pun duduk berehat di bawah pokok dan tertidur..Akhirnya Sang Kura-kura berjaya memotong Sang Arnab dan menjadi juara untuk perlumbaan itu! Bila Sang Arnab terjaga dari tidurnya, dia mendapati yang dia telah kalah..

Moral daripada cerita ini ialah “slow and steady wins the race”.

Inilah versi cerita yang kita selalu dengar sejak kecil.
Namun kisah itu ada sambungannya …

Sang Arnab sangat kecewa dengan kekalahan itu dan mula muhasabah diri. Dia sedar bahawa dia kalah disebabkan oleh rasa terlalu yakin diri, cuai dan lalai. Jika dia tidak terlalu mengambil mudah akan sesuatu, mustahil Sang Kura-kura dapat mengalahkannya. Kemudian Sang Arnab mencabar Sang Kura-kura dalam satu lagi perlumbaan. Sang Kura-kura pun bersetuju.Kali ini, Sang Arnab berlari bersungguh-sungguh tanpa berhenti.Dia telah berjaya mendahului Sang Kura-kura.

Moral daripada kisah ini?
Bergerak laju, secara istiqamah akan dapat menewaskan “slow and steady”.

Ada dua individu di dalam satu organisasi,
Individu pertama- Lambat, bersistem & boleh diharapkan
Individu kedua- Pantas, juga boleh diharapkan

Individu kedua akan dapat mendaki tangga organisasi lebih cepat daripida individu pertama.

Adalah bagus untuk menjadi “slow and steady”; tetapi lebih baik untuk menjadi pantas dan boleh diharapkan.

Namun kisah ini tidak berakhir di sini…

Sang Kura-kura berfikir sejenak, dan akhirnya sedar bahawa dia tidak akan mampu untuk mengalahkan Sang Arnab jika perlumbaan itu dikekalkan formatnya. Setelah berfikir semasak-masaknya, Sang Kura-kura mencabar Sang Arnab untuk satu lagi perlumbaan, tetapi kali ini dengan laluan sedikit berbeza.Sang Arnab bersetuju dengan cadangan itu. Mereka pun bermula. Sang Arnab berpegang pada keazamannya untuk terus berlari pantas. Dia terus berlari sekuatnya sehingga dia tiba di sungai yang lebar. Garisan penamat cuma beberapa kilometer sahaja di seberang sungai. Sang Arnab terduduk memikirkan apa yang perlu dilakukannya. Dalam masa yang sama Sang Kura-kura tiba, masuk ke dalam sungai, terus berenang ke seberang, terus berjalan, dan menamatkan perlumbaan.

Moral daripada kisah ini?
Kenalpasti kelebihan diri, dan tukarkan “the playing field” untuk menyesuaikan ia dengan kelebihan yang ada pada anda.

Dalam sebuah organisasi, jika anda seorang yang bijak berkata-kata, carilah peluang untuk membuat pembentangan agar pihak pengurusan sedar kewujudan anda.

Jika kelebihan anda dalam analisis, sediakan laporan, dan hantar ke pihak atasan.

Bekerja megikut kelebihan anda bukan sahaja membuatkan anda disedari, malah membuka peluang untuk kemajuan.

Kisah ini belum berakhir …

Sang Arnab dan Sang Kura-kura kali ini menjadi sahabat baik dan berbincang. Kedua-dua mereka bersetuju bahawa perlumbaan dahulu sebenarnya boleh diperbaiki. Maka mereka bersetuju untuk berlumba semula, tetapi kali ini sebagai satu pasukan. (ONE TEAM) !!!!!!!Mereka pun bermula, kali ini Sang Arnab membawa Sang Kura-kura di atas belakangnya sehingga mereka tiba di tebing sungai.

Moral daripada kisah ini?

1) Adalah bagus untuk menjadi individu yang pintar dan mempunyai kelebihan; namun selagi kita tidak dapat bekerja dalam satu pasukan dan menggunakan kelebihan diri masing-masing, kita tidak akan dapat menjadi pasukan yang terbaik kerana kita akan berdepan dengan situasi di mana orang lain yang lebih baik daripada kita.

2) Kerja berpasukan ialah “situational leadership”, dengan membiarkan individu dengan kepakaran tertentu dalam situasi tersebut menjadi ketua.

Banyak pengajaran yang dapat diambil daripada kisah ini.

Sama ada arnab ataupun kura-kura berputus asa selepas berhadapan dengan kekalahan.

Sang arnab membuat keputusan untuk bekerja dengan lebih keras and curahkan segala usaha selepas gagal.

Sang kura-kura pula menukar rancangan kerana telah berusaha sedaya upaya.

Dalam hidup apabila berhadapan dengan kegagalan,
kadang-kadang adalah lebih baik untuk bekerja dengan lebih keras dan mencurahkan segala usaha.
Kadang-kadang adalah lebih baik kita menukar perancangan and cuba sesuatu yang lain.
Dan kadang-kadang adalah lebih baik untuk melakukan kedua-duanya.

Sang arnab dan Sang kura-kura juga telah mendapat pengajaran yang penting. Apabila kita berhenti berlawan dengan musuh dan sebagai contoh kita berlawan dengan keadaan, keputusannya akan menjadi lebih baik.

Kesimpulannya, kisah Sang Arnab dan Sang Kura-kura mengajar kita banyak perkara:

> Jangan berputus asa apabila berhadapan dengan kegagalan
> Cepat dan istiqamah boleh mengalahkan perlahan dan “steady”
> Work to your competencies
> Berlawan dengan keadaan, bukan dengan musuh
> Kumpulkan segala sumber dan bergerak dalam kumpulan akan mengalah individu yang berseorangan

Sunday, September 27, 2009

paeds nurse or o&g nurse..

after 1 week of eid's holiday
now back to the normal oridanary life.
tomorrow im going to be posted at paeds 3.
morning shif.
have to wake up early for tomorrow.

i have thinking of working at paeds one day.
before entering nursing,
if im not mistaken, my ambition was being a paeds nurse.
or maybe o&g nurse.
but now, after 2 weeks of paeds posting,
after a week at nicu,
and a week at paeds 3,
i guess
i should be o&g nurse..

maybe i love kids
but during my posting at nicu
i was done somthing that i would never forget
entire of my life!
there is no way i can handle babies very well..
its really heartbreaking to me..
i cant handle babies very well.
and i am very upset when thinking of it.
and im so sad.. ='(((

but what happened will be the moral story to me.
take care of babies was not easiest as i thought.
or maybe some people thought baby easily to take care.
but to me, u have to be particular, very specific, very cafeful to handle them.
because they dont speak to you.
they just cry to give signs of something that u think u might know,
but actually u dont.

but still, i do love babies.
they are cute.
they are small and funny and cute.
i hope i will have mine as soon as possible.
i want to be a young mom.
i am ready to take care of mine.
i am promise myself i will take a good care of mine...
God, thanks for let me doing nursing.
i do love my job so much.

but whatever it is,
i guess i am much better working as an 0&g nurse..
still can handle babies.
but the most care to be implement is maternal care..

dont worry wanie.
u still have another one and half year to study nursing.
and i love nursing so much!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Kuala Terengganu Malam-Malam di Gem Resort

at first, aku memang taknak lansung ikot family pegi terengganu.
sebab jauh sgt.. pastu balik kolej sabtu, then i've only got 1 day to prepared for the next day.
monday tu ak dah start posting paeds balik.
dgn mid sem exam paeds lagi.
ak lansung tak sentuh buku sepanjang cuti raya ni.

well, talking about raya festival,
to me it wasn't great enough compared with ramadhan fasting month..
raya kali ni, simple je.
1st day of raya pon biasa je.
tahun ni ak tak pegi sembahyang raya.
tp tahun ni aku rasa tahun yang banyak kali juga aku pegi solat tarawikh..
tak tahu kenapa,
tapi ramadhan kali ini yang paling bermakna buat aku..
tapi syawal biasa je..
tiada yang menarik..

balik kg opah pon, opah takde, omet pon tak balik kg.
so boring. mase kat kg, rase tak sabar je nak balik kl.

aku cuba nak menghargai dan menghayati syawal kali ini.
tapi tak dapat. sedara mara yg balik kg, balik kejap je.
mmg tak best la tahun ni.sayu betul..

pastu terengganu ni,
datang sini plan nak bercuti dengan family cikmah dan cikla.
tp tgk la skng. bertekak pasal benda kecil.
so, percutian ke kuala terengganu dah menjadi titik permulaan bergaduh sesama keluarga.
aku malas nak campur tangan.
tu pasal la aku taknak pegi terengganu ni.
dgn perjalanan jauh, pastu nak bergaduh-gaduh,
aku sakit telinga, sakit mata, dan sakit hati jugak.

btw, walaupon dalam beberapa minggu ni adalah minggu yang tak berapa nak best bagiku,
tp aku rasa gembira jugak, dapat beraya bersama family,
ada yang lansung tak balik raya,
nak exam, raya pon tak meriah sbb pikir nak exam.

aku skng ni tak sabar je nak balik ktdi.
nak kemas bilik.

get ready for paeds mid sem exam,
posting wad paeds 2.
assignment paeds belambak gila.
assessment of baby.

nak prepare proposal untuk hari siswi lagi.
settlekan nsg student yang nak join sukem

(masa aku tgh taip ni, tetiba ada serangga kumbang lekat kat tanga aku,
terjerit aku! haha! )

pastu pasal cafe ni, ngek la cafe baru ni.
janji nak buka ari khamis mase cuti ni.
kesian dak year 3 yg nak exam isnin ni,
diowng makan apa la agaknye.
ni skng tak bukak lagi,
abis aku kali ni, bdk2 tu mesti da mengamuk.
jaksa jugak yang kene..
huhu, seriously aku dah mula takut dgn kerja yg aku buat skng ni.
makin lama, kerja jaksa makin complicated..

k la.
besok nak balik kl.
nak tdo..


Thursday, June 18, 2009

morning coffee.

selamat pagi!
now, ak tgh enjoy my morning coffee sambil dgr radio yg sedang utarakan love story by taylor swift. i just love her voice. lovelyy voice.
skang dah pukul 11.00am, kol 3.00pm ni ak nak gerak dah pegi lumut, terengganu.
ade kursus MMP, kursus untuk jadi pc untuk minngu 3m kat ukm bangi nanti.
so, 2 minggu la ak tak ade kat kolej or kat kl...
malam tadi ak kua dgn omet tgk cite jangan pandang belakang congkak.
merepek btol la cte tu. tp kelakar ar jgk.
ak ngn omet memang sronok gelak terbahak-bahak mcm org gila dalam panggung wayang.
pastu ade la siket aku shopping kat watson dgn lovely lace.
bli pewangi bilik. huhuu.
adoiai, bie la nak masuk jpa ni, ak da tak tahan nak shopping.
ak memang gile shopping betul.
aku kne jimat sem depan!ok wani! yess!
semalam gossipping dgn omet, mmg sampai tak igt dunia.
ak dgn omet kalau da jumpe, mmg bergossip lupe diri.
cite pasala dug si boifren omet yg tak berguna tu,
omet kau patut tinggalkan je mamat selenge tu.
pastu gossip psl shakeel, psl aim, pasal najmi, psl ehem2 nama yg tak boleh disebutkan disini.
ok. stop gossiping after this ok.
omet lah ni,
kalau dah jumpa dia, bnyk benda nak cerita.
girls always being girls. hahaa
hummm, sedap la bau pewangi bilik ak yg ak beli kat lovely lace smlm.
bau rose.. suke sgt..
k lah, nak rehat jap.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

tulisan untuk pertama.. dan mengantuk lagi..

adoi, da lame ak buat blog ni, tapi tak penah nak tuis ape2.
haha, skang ak bleh tulis ape ak suke.
takde sape nak marah.

hurm, nak tuis ape ek.
skang da jam 11.57pm, thursday, 11 june 09.
besok pepagi da kene bangun nak pgi kursus bi under jaksa..
haih.. bru je balik dari cameron kol 8pm tdi, da kne pack balik utk esok..
penat dowh..
cuti sem ni ak lansung tak rehat..
dgn permanis lgi, dgn sanggar kerja jaksa, pastu homestay program lgi..
pasni da abis kursus bi kne kursus kepimpinan utk fasi minggu 3m orientasi nti.
kursus nun jaoh kat terengganu besut plak..
takley ke wat dekat2 sket.
ak ni asik packing bag je keje.
bahu ni da nak patah asik menangkut bag je..
hurm, tapi takpe la..
banyak gak bende yang aku buat cuti sem ni, bnyk gak la ilmu n pengalaman yg ak dapat..
dapat ramai kawan, link and connection lagi.
kan seronok tu.
baru la ada campus life sket.
ni da la duk kampus luar, kat hospital lak tu,
kurang exposed ngn kampus life,'skng ni bru ak terasa life campus ak tu..
alhamdulillah. setakat ni walaupun busy gie dgn kursus lah, ape lah,
tapi everythings goes vevy well..
tak sangka jgk, since ak pindah masuk kolej ni, since ak join jaksa ni,
bnyk bende yg dah berubah dalam hidup ak..
ak rase puas hati setakat ni dgn ape yg ak dapt..
well, tp bnyk lgi bende nak kene belajar..
ak penah jatuh dulu..
ak taknak jatuh lagi..
cukup la pengalaman dulu mengajar ak..
ak takot gak kalau tugas dalam jaksa ni ak tak bleh nak pikul.
tp ak percaya, ak boleh buat pnye.
plus, ak ade community yg lain, ahli yg lain so sepatutnya sama2 bekerja keras.
bkn ak sorang je k.
so dont worry wanie. you are not alone.
many people support me.
like what mummy said..
dont afraid to to accept 'No' from people.
peolple may like to jude you because they are just jealosy.
the more judegement you get from people, the more you will learn and experience.
peolple who keep judging others is the one who not learn anything. but you get judgement, you earn something.
dont afraid to try, to move, to starts.
because the chance/opportunity is always comes once.
the second chance is only for the failure/loser/idiot.
so dont be any one of it.
what a crap am i talking abaout..
so, dah ngantuk ni..
got to go..
good night sweet dreams wanie..