Thursday, December 31, 2009

01/01/2010 @ 12.01am. tomorrow is THE DAY. private and confidential

at this moment, i was looking outside from my window, i couldn't see the fireworks however i do heard them sounds like we are in the war.
tomorrow is going to a big day for me,
tomorrow me and some of friends will go for leadership camp organized by ukm.
it actually for all the future leaders, for YDP JAKSA- to-be, PMUKM-to-be, etc.etc.etc.
so, im not very well prepared actually.
i really wish i could tell everything in here, this whole week was really a hard week for me, i really wish i could write it all over here, but it is too many of them to tell, so i guess until tomorrow i wont stop writing.
i have to wake up eary for tomorrow new day, a new year 2010.

ya Allah,
if this is what is the better for me, than I will do it for the best I could be.
forgive me, before this I just think about myself, and never think about others.
Pn Teoh quote still bear in my mind and i couldn't stop thinking about what she had said during PPD class..
she told us, sounds like, 'never think about yourself, think about the others. if u just think about yourself, just like almost all the leaders on the top now, you wont ever go out".
yeah, she is soo right. before this i was thought if i become one of the top, and some people (or many of them) actually just doesnt like me at all, to become that one, and if i involved myself with this politic thing, what will happen to my exam result? my pointer already falls compared with pointer of last semester, so, i really dissapointed about it. i dont want to get dissapoint again.
before this, i keep telling myself that im doing a lot things to people, so was wishing of for my final year, i just can relaxs. all this make me fell awful about myself since what pn teoh had been said.
yeah, i am truly selfish and just think about me,me, myself and I.

just at the moment, i try my best to think about others. now, my self esteem getting a bit high, but still anxiety disorder controling over me everytime i think about it.
i keep thinking, this is the only chance for me to stand for nursing.
1st batch shows kak syikin and some of her peers also tand up for nursing.
then the 2nd batch, they already proved that they also did something to stand for nursing.
and now my batch, i really hopes i can contributes something for the nursing. my batch is good too. i want to prove that what dr hamidah or other lecturer said about our batch are truly wrong.

i dont know what i afraid of, i dont know what thing that i should bring about when i get there, and i still afraid of speaking out infront of people that i dont really know. i even still got nervous when i talk to my juniors year 1! ya Allah, i just need that confident to talk out loud infront of people, give me strengh for that.

wanie, you can do it. just remember the song by venessa carlton 'Watch Me Shine', you can do it.
be yourself. and have faith in yourself. trust yourself. you can do it.

I'm not your average type of girl
I'm gonna show the world
The strength in me
that sometimes they can't see

I'm about to switch my style
And soon things may get wild
But I will prove that
I can conquer anything

So from my head to toe
I'm taking full control
I'll make it on my own..this time
(Better watch me shine)

Better watch out going for the knockout
And I won't stop till I'm on top now
Not gonna give up until I get what's mine
Better check that I'm about to upset
And I'm hot now so you better step back
I'm taking over so watch me shine

Get ready here I come
Until the job is done
No time to waste
There's nothing stopping me
But you don't hear me though
So now it's time to show and prove I'm gonna be The best I can be
So from my head to toe
My mind body and soul
I'm taking full control This time

Bet you don't think I can take it
But my mind and body are strong
Bet you don't think I can make it It won't take long

(Vanessa Carlton, Watch Me Shine, Legally Blonde Movie)

1 comment:

Maroussia said...

It will be great to watch Legally Blonde, i have bought tickets from looking forward to it.