Friday, January 29, 2010

Unlove Beloved He and She

sometimes i think i can speaks out without worrying of anything.
sometimes i think i am brave enough
but most of the time,
i know who am i.
a person that will never give up upon something,
and able to speak out to asking of anything,

but somehow i realize,
i have to admit,
there are people out there are more stronger and power than me.
so i can do nothing.
even i have the rights,
but still i dont have the power.

lately..
this persons,
the persons that i think i might know him and her well,
eventhough we only able get to know each other for about a year,
i respect him and her.
he and she had done so much things for a things that i stand for,
he and she stands besides me no matter what happen,
and he and she made me not to give up.
he and she made me to be strong.

but recently,
things aren't well between us.
i met her today, we pop each other at cafe a&e, she doesnt smile at me anymore.
she did smile, but i can see there is no sincere anymore.....
just a bit smile, and then she's gone. or runaway. then i run away too.

today, i met him too,
he no longer adressed me,
or maybe he purposely not to address me,
we didnt greet each other like we're supposed to.
i didnt looks at his face, because i know he will make an angry face, or menyampah-kat-aku face.

seems like my heart no longer love them.
i think i have to break the bonds here,

i know this will be my big mistakes to unlove them,
but i cant do it anymore.
i feels betrayed.
they are against me.
they are hate me.
they are trying to prove that i am wrong,

i hate them too.
i hate myself for letting myself to love them,
i dont want to see their faces.
i want to run away from them,
i dont want to looks at their dissappointed faces on me,
i dont want to talk to them anymore.
i dont want to hear anything from them anymore,
i am so upset with myself.

i thought they will still besides me,
i dont asked them to be at which side, or be by my side,
i just want them to be fair enough.
i didnt asked them to get involved in my life things,
but they offered themselves.,
and now they are agaisnt me.

i confused.
i dissappointed.
i feels helpless.
the persons that i loved,
the persons that i thought will ever support me,
now are going to prove to me that i am a bad person.
that i am wrong.

i hate myself for hated and loved them,
sorry for going to unlove them.
sorry that im going to breaks the bond.
sorry for everything.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

adikku wani,
terima kasih sbb hadir dlm hidup kami...wani byk berkorban dan even terkorban dlm perjuangan di medan kampus ini, byk yg wani tau dan alami di depan mata wani, bijak dan pandai sungguh adik akak sorg ni kerana berjaya membongkar semua yg dilihat di depan matamu...

di dunia ini byk yg kita xtau, makin byk yg kita tau, makin kita rasa kerdillah diri ini, sesuai sgt dgn firman Allah...kita hanya hamba yg mencuba utk jadi yg terbaik..akan tetapi dunia yg penuh pancaroba ini memerlukan kita berfikir dan menggunakan fikiran sewajarnya, xsume bende yg kita suka ad dlm dunia ni, xsume bende berpihak pd kita dan xsume bende boleh kita kuasai, kadang2 kita terpaksa akur dgn sistem, terpaksa akur dgn pentadbiran sbb kita ddk dlm negara berdemokrasi, rasa mcm nk muntah sikit tulis ayat ni tp inilah kenyataan...

belum ad lagi kepastian yg kt boleh jangkakan, ketulusan pentadbiran rasulullah sgt jauh dr kita, kita cuba mengejar, belajar dan meniru spt kepimpinan rasulullah, tp dgn dugaan2 kehidupan dan masyarakat sekeliling yg blm semuanya faham akan keadilan, ianya adlah 1 cabaran..

akak kagum dgn semangat wani utk 'unlove beloved he and she' but think twice adikku, kdg2 kt rasa kita ramai penyokong, rmai kwn tp sebenarnya mereka sume musuh dlm selimut, kdg2 kt rasa mereka mengkhianati kita tp merekalah sbnrnya kwn kita, dont easily jump to conclusion my dear, n last but not least, jgn kerana marahkan nyamuk seekor, habis kelambu dibakar...fikir2kan..wallahu'alam