Wednesday, April 28, 2010

breast cancer campaign



call 6.30pm mama call aku,
aku tengah tidur sebab kepala aku sakit sangat.
aku balik dari breast cancer campaign tu,
aku terus tidur lepas makan 2 biji ponstant.
sakit sangat kepala.

mama tanya pasal breast ca. campaign tu,
kalau nak buat lagi, dia suka kalau buat agi kat ofis dia.

"kakak, campaign tu memang xda orang nak sponsor ke?"

"kalau mama tahu, mama bagi sumbangan sikit"

"takde la ma.. kitorang memang kuar duit sendiri semuanya.. mana ada sape sponsor. fakulti tak sponsor. mindef pon tak sponsor."

"owh. yeke.."
"kakak bila buat lagi campagin macam tu?"
"kalau buat kat tempat mama pon takpe jugak kak sebab ramai staff perempuan"

"tak ma. kitorang tak buat lagi dah.."
'tu yang last untuk sem ni, tak tahu lah kalo masa akan datang buat lagi.."

"owh ye ke. so takde buat lagi la ek."
"kalau nak buat lagi, buat kat cini je kak. mama bole tolong dapatkan sponsor"

"takpe ma.. dah habis dah pun.. tak tahu la bila akan buat lagi.."
"dah tak buat lagi kot.. sebab program tu untuk modul oncology semester ni je.."

"akak tengah tidur ke? suara mengatuk je..?"

"a'ah ma.. wani sakit kepala.."
"wani tak larat la ni ma.. penat.."
"sebab wani period lagi.. pastu tadi tak makan pagi.."
"makan tengah hari pon lambat.."
"skang dah migrain dah.."

mak aku terdiam..

pastu dia cakap.

"akak pergi la rehat dulu k.."

"ok.."

"assalamualaukum"

"walaikumsalam"

masa mama cakap "akak pergi la rehat dulu k". aku dengar suara dia macam ternangis.. macam sebak.. aku mengantuk time tu... so aku macam blur.. tapi aku rasa kesal sebab cakap aku sakit kepala makan lambat... seriously menyesal sangat...

sebab mama tahu program tu memang tak dapat sponsor. so makan pon sendiri tanggung.. sampai nak makan pon tukar-tukar shift. sampai ada yang makan lambat.

aku rase sedih pulak bile mama sebak macam tu.. aku tahu lepas letak tepon tu, dia mesti menangis...

dia sedih sebab kesian kat aku.
dia kesian kat kawan-kawan aku,
sebab kami penat sepanjang hari buat berhempas pulas program.
dah la kuar duit sendiri tak dapat sponsor.
pastu makan pon mindef tu taknak sponsor ke.
sampai aku sakit kepala makan lambat..

dan tak tahu la kawan-kawan lain.. kesian diorang, mesti penat jugak..

ya Allah, semoga Kau berkati kami semua. semoga Kau beri kejayaan pada kami semua. pada kawan-kawan aku. yang sanggup keluar duit, sepanjang hari berhabis tenaga untuk program tu.. tanpa mengharap sebarang balasan.

maafkan wani ma. tak sengaja buat buat mama sedih. jangan risau k mama.
kami semua ni tabah hati. dah biasa penat macam ni. mama jangn risau kan wani k.
terima kasih mama ayah, sebab datang program kami.
terima kasih sangat.

mama dengan ayah adalah ibu bapa yang terbaik dalam dunia ni.
wani sayang mama. wani sayang ayah. sangat sangat sangat..
note: tahniah ayah. dapat naik Leftenan Kolonel. tak sabar nak balik umah ari jumaat. ayah nak blanja makan & tengok wayang cita iron man 2. azmi pon dah balik dari terengganu.. wuhuhu. :)

Monday, April 26, 2010

hormonal imbalance..

ok.. ada orang lebih sakit dari aku.
ada orang lebih sengsara dari aku.
ada orang lebih risau dari aku.
ada orang lebih bermakna hidupnya dari hidup aku.
dan aku pula sentiasa meluahkan rasa tak puas hati,
tapi sedang mereka yang lebih sengsara dari aku tu masih dapat bersabar dan kuatkan semangat.
aku sendiri dah banyak melihat orang yang lebih sengsara dari aku,
tapi aku sendiri tak dapat nak cope dengan sengsara aku sendiri.
ok. aku lemah.
aku tak kuat macam mereka.
sabar k wanie.
huhu. sabar k..
rindu kat mama. sedih la pulak. tetibe macam air mata ni bergenangan.
sabar k. esok jumpa mama kat breast cancer campaign.
_________________________________________
geramnye..geramnye..geramnye...... besok breast cancer campaign, so lusa je ada untuk buat blood test tu. tapi aku posting home care. patient control pulak posting critical care. nak buat petang tak boleh plak. hari jumaat, diorang ada patient lain. isnin pon ada patient lain. tapi minggu depan dah kira day 7 or day 8. mana boleh buat test tu dah. bodohnye!!!!
aku nak menangis je rase skang ni!! takkan aku nak tunggu next menstrual period plak. next month cuti sem. sape nak jadi patient control aku nanti kalo sume tengah cuti? bodohnye!!!! huwa!! nak nangis laa!! kenapa penat sangat ni? kenapa bodoh sangat ni? kenapa bodoh sangat org lab tu?? dia tak pikir ke aku dah 2 bulan tunggu utk buat test tu. nak tunggu bulan depan, pon patient control takde!!
sampai bila nak tunggu untuk buat test tu? sampai aku dah mati kot baru nak buat blood test tu!

AKU NAK MATI! AKU NAK MATII!!!!!! KALAU AKU MATI BLEEDING PON AKU TAK PEDULI!

nak nagis dah ni. dah nangis dah pon. letih. aku sakit perut. aku sakit hati. aku sakit. hidung aku berdarah. gusi aku berdarah. aku takut. aku rasa nak mati besok. aku rasa aku nak mati lusa. aku dah give up dengan test bodoh ni lagi. aku taknak buat test nie. aku taknak tunggu dah. aku rase nak mati! aku nak mati!!

kemarin mama call aku pagi pagi buta. dia bagitahu gusi dia kerap berdarah jugak dulu. dulu dia cakap dia takda masalah bila aku tanya dia kalau dia dulu ada masalah pendarahan tak. tapi skng dia cakap dia ada pulak. dia baru teringat. dulu ada dua tiga kali dia buat prosedur dental, dua tiga kali doktor cakap gusi dia bleeding banyak. doktor pon penah suroh dia pegi cek, tapi dia buat tak tahu je. dia tak ingat sebab dah lama. tapi dia baru teringat, dan bagitahu aku. call aku pagi-pagi buta sebab bagitahu hal tu.

aku kecewa... von willibran apa ke jadahnye tu. tak mungkin. mengarut. dan test bodoh ni, buat aku tunggu macam orang bodoh. sejak dari awal sem aku pegi follow up bodoh ni, dan sampai skarang doktor tak diagnose lagi apa masalah aku. dah 6 bulan. ape ke jadahnye???!!!!

aku nak give up. aku taknak pergi follow up ni. aku taknak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kenapa la aku dari awal pergi jumpa doktor untuk benda bodoh ni. patutunya aku tak payah mula. tak payah pegi check. dan sekarang aku terpaksa habiskannya. stupid.

dah bila kalau aku tahu pon. dan bila kalau aku ada sakit apa-apa pon. aku akan kecewa jugak. dan memang sekarang pun aku dah kecewa. aku tak tahu nak buat apa. aku rasa bodoh sangat. kalau aku mati berdarah pon peduli apa? aku taknak pergi check dah!!
x(

Sunday, April 25, 2010

long lost memories of high school's diaries and magazine.

today is sunday. so i cleaned up my room, washed pile of clothes, ironed uniform and other clothes, cleaned the bathroom and toilet, and lastly throw out all the useless old stuffs.
but then, i found my diaries, it was in the box full of lecture notes and old books. it was there since i moved into kolej.
i almost forgot that i still keep that diaries. it was my high school diaries.
this is the priceless diaries, the one that i kept for 5 years already.










here are some of the pages inside that diaries.. huhuu..
ada banyak rahsia. but few of these are not very secret.

bestfriend forever aku masa sekolah dulu. kawan yang paling aku rapat. duduk sebelah sebelah. join karate same2. rehat makan same2. study same2. seronok dapat kawan dengan dia. rindunya veena.. huhu.























i found a letter from my bestriend. . huhu. cant believe i still keep it.





my bestriends throwed me a suprise birthday bash of sweet 7teen!.. huhu. :)))
this is during Aisyah 17's birthday party.what a mess. haha,
and here are the NST newspaper which about my karate-do club at my school. and it got my silly ugly picture. haha,



picture of my karate-do club members. me with veena (at my left) were there! :)

i've been schooled at SMK Puteri Titiwangsa for 5 years.

then i found my school magazine. amazingly, i never saw it actualy, there are pictures of my team of pergerakan berirama. hey, that's me from my back. haha.

yeay we won! Laksamana No 1!! we are the winners!!
i was conducting 80 stubborn students for 20 minutes of pergerakan berirama for a month. we won for the number 1 price!! yippiee!


rumah temenggung no 2. my bestfriend veena's rumah sukan. haha.

i miss my high school.
what i have been through in high school was the best memories i ever had.
and what i am now is what i have been through.

thank you teachers and friends.
thanks of giving me the best experiences i ever had..

high school is what was the past of me.
what i am now will determind me
what kind of person i am going to be in the future.
i am still improving myself.
i am still learning to become myself.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

relaxing and refreshing of today..


- the view of night out of my window -

I went out to klcc right after finished helped out nursing students whose moving into kolej.
so, there just a few needed things that i bought..
well seriously..
i really do need those i things that i bought.
today i feels so much refreshing and relaxing all over my body..
i did everything i dying wanted to do.
i deleting some of fb friends. seriously, it just a STUPID facebook.
it means nothing to me.
i went shopping spent rm200.
i bought two pair of shoes at vinnci.
actualy i wanted to buy only one, but that sale's girl told me, if i buy another one, i will get rm10 for rebate, means rm10 reduced for another pair of shoe. so i went up bought 2 pairs.
2 pairs for rm89. okey. shoes are really things that i needed so much because this one that i wear relly hurt my knees and my toes are really swollen so badly!

then i looked at time, really, i spent so much time at vincci, so i rushed to watson since i wanted to buy facial clay mask the another thing that i needed to buy.
on my way heading towards watson, i was suddenly being pulled by this lovely smells..
my eyes glanced over the lovely place of lovely lace..
the smell comes from the Lovely Lace..
so i decided just to looks aroung into that shop..
or maybe buy an oil fragrance for my room.
when i was looked around, one of the sale's girl asking me,

"nama u wanie kan?"

wow..
am i that famous???

"ya' wanie. erm, macam mana boleh tahu ni?"

"dulu sekolah puteri titiwangsa kan"

okey..
the thing is, i ended up conversating with her,
talking about old times during my empire glory high school,
until the other sale's girls started to staring at us,
so i think i better buy something.

so i bought two bouquet of flowers which was nicely in their pot.
very nice, one with pink flowers, another one with yellow flowers.
and i also bought fragrant oil to be put into my flowers..
so total cost was about rm 60.

i feel so awful about myself because i forgot to asking her name..
what a bad senior i am.. =(
she was my junior during my high school.
she has this pretty hair, and pretty face.
very matured looking.
she was form 1, and i was in form 5.
so practically she will obviously will remember me since i was the senior. maybe because since i was the leader of pergerakan berirama rumah laksamana, and our team won during my time being the leader, or maybe since i was in karate club.

God..i miss high school..
if u wanted to be famous in high school, u dont need just a pretty face,
but you'll need to be a someone, just be a simple like: a monitor class, pengawas sekolah, kapten rumah sukan, athlete, group leader, ketua pasukan berirama rumah laksamana, join in the club like, chest, karate-do, etc.etc.etc.
if you are an athlete, absolutely you are a famous. especially if you got those gold medals.
so, this girl (for a while let me call her as a 'sweet junior' until i found out her name later, k)
my sweet junior, she said to me,

"sorang je ke? gi dating ek."

"takla.. mana ada boyfriend lagi.. since zaman sekolah kot akak tak couple. akak kuar dengan family ni. kitorang split up."

"ye ke.. orang famous kat sekolah ni dulu, tak couple lagi."

btol la dik. nak tipu pe nye..
huhu. keciwa jugak mase bagi jawapan macam tu.
ada la berangan kalau boleh jawab,
"kuar dengan tunang i. dia pergi beli tiket wayang kejap"
wahahaha!
berangan lah aku.

really, looking at her with that mature-face of sweet 18, made me miss high school so bad!

so, i bought, sushi, Adidas fruty rhythm spray and Adidas shower gel, tongkat ali power root coffee, low fat milk, and many more. x)

ayah sent me back to kolej, i got shower,
put on my avocado & oatmeal Freeman facial clay mask over my face,
put my teddy scent Lovely Lace frgarance oil onto my bouquet of flowers,
listened up ingrid michaelson songs,
drinks a cup off Alicafe tongkat ali & gingseng coffee.
and my lazy eyes started to sleepy...
good night..
sleep tight..

p/s:
can i forget everythings of what just happened today..
i know i cant be forgiven anymore..
but i just have to do it..
i feels such a big released..
sorry for everything...again..

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Resolution Day

today is the last day of the very last duty of mine.
im going to break through everything even though i know its going to be the hardest thing to do.

in the Peplau's Theory,

there are four phases of interection process which are:
1. orientation
2. identification
3. exploitation
4. resolution

During orientation, the person get to know each other persons and deal with any differences in background including culture and level of education, forming a group ot a team.

During identification, the person focuses on discovering and understanding the group or the team to determine what are the goals to be expected by in the end.

During exploitation, the team uses the resources of the person, and the facility in general, to solves the problem or what goal to be expected.

Finally, during resolution, the bonds have to be break in every of each persons in the group or team and finalise everythings back or reflection what things had or hadn't done.

in my case,
i am the person.

p/s: i dont take revenge, neither dont hate you, i did it because i choose to do it. i dont ask you to choose of anything, but if you decide to choose to swallow it and believe what was in your mind wanted to believe, then i have nothing to stop you.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

SABAR..

beri aku masa

beri aku kesabaran

beri aku kekuatan dan ketabahan

aku lemah lagi

aku tidak kuat lagi

aku takut

aku sedih

kenapa aku diuji seperti ini?
kenapa ujian aku seberat ini?
kenapa aku tidak perolehi apa yang aku mahu?
kenapa aku berasa lemah? kenapa aku perlu bersedih lagi?
bagaimana aku harus melalui semua ini lagi?
apa yang aku dapat kalau aku bersusah payah seperti ini?
kepada siapa lagi yang aku boleh mengharap?
aku dah tidak sanggup hadapi semua ini lagi!
.
.
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.
.
.
kenapa aku diuji seperti ini?
"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; "Kami telah beriman," sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."
(Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3)
.
.
kenapa ujian aku seberat ini?
"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya."
(Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286)
.
.
kenapa aku tidak perolehi segala apa yang aku idamkan?
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
(Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216)
.
.
kenapa aku berasa lemah? kenapa aku perlu bersedih lagi?
"Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yg beriman."
(Surah Al-Imran ayat 139)
.
.
bagaimana aku harus melalui semua ini lagi?
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan), dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)."
(Surah Al-Imran ayat 200)
.
.
"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk"
(Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45)
.
.
apa yang aku dapat kalau aku bersusah payah seperti ini?
"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dr org2 mu’min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka… .."
(Surah At-Taubah ayat 111)
.
.
kepada siapa lagi yang aku boleh mengharap?
"Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain drNya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal."
(Surah At-Taubah ayat 129)
.
.
aku dah tidak sanggup hadapi semua ini lagi!
"… ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa drp rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dari rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir."
(Surah Yusuf ayat 12)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What is Nursing?

"A dog's a dog - but a cat's a cat
A cat is not a dog"

Firslt, let me tell you what nursing is not...
~~~~~~
Nursing is not the profession you enter when your are not good enough to become a medic,
or when your grades aren't good enough for other courses of study.
It's not 'just women's work'.
It's not the way to get into other careers or professions.
It's not the job for someone who just wants to serve (or meet and marry) a member of another profession.
It's not a job that you will leave behind you when you go home for the day because everywhere you go you will bring yourself as a nurse.
~~~~~~
Nursing is a profession in its own right, with its own history, and its own way of looking at the world.
Nursing is something that will become part of you, will guide you the way you think and act in every situation, not just at work.
~~~~~~
Sometimes people jokingly say that
becoming a nurse is a terminal disease
because it will be there,
part of you,
until you are no more.
~~~~~~
The way you see the world, and the people in it, will be coloured by your nursing knowledge and judgement.
~~~~~~
So, stepping into nursing is not just entering a profession,
but it's allowing the profession enter you.
You might leave nursing and have other careers but what you learn as a nurse will always be a part of you..

Monday, April 19, 2010

WARNING: currently in GRANDIOUS mode.

my roomie said,
those woman whose never get married until she getting old,
they just assumed themselves as an independent woman.
so i guess,
i AM becoming of that type of women so called to be independent.
I've planned everything in the future,
I went through what I've planned and everyting just flowed smoothly as what I wished and as it supposed to be. (ok. liar. not too smooth. i did went into some challenges.
BTWFYI im not afraid of challenges.)

Thank God I had everything what I should have,
I have everything I hardly want,
I want everything that I really need.
I have my own master plan,
what to do after graduate,
what to be in the future,
what course or specialize i wanted to take in nursing area,
when to buy my own car with my own money i had saved,
which bank service i wanted to deal for my credit card,
when to continue study in master,
when to continue study in other professions which are bussiness and law (is that possible??),
so i can relate them like opening my own clinic if i get involve in bussiness (i am also thinking of opening a bakery because i like cupcakes!), get involve in politic things if i do law... (is that possible???)
and bla bla bla so many more and i wish i could tell here!
currently I dont have problems with financial,
because I know how to spend wisely,
and obviously i know how to saving,
I dont have problems with my future salary (definitely),
I dont have problems with family support,
since all my family are nearer to me,
mama, ayah, siblings, uwan, cousins, uncles, aunties, dua pupu, tiga pupu, empat pupu,
all of them are stying at kl and everywhere, so whenever or anything or when there's any emergencies situation that i need someone to look after me and help me out, i have them besides me.

I dont need any stupid afford to change status 'in relationship' like those people loved to do
it just looks stupid. dont get me wrong, i dont said those who loves to change status like in relationship, in love indeed or whatsoever are stupid,
what i mean was just i myself will definitely looks stupid by doing that.
it just not my kind of things to do. totally stupid idiot and lame..
:) :) :)

i wish to marry someone.
someone that i dont really know,
someoen that i dont know him well when suddenly masuk meminang,
and then i'll agree by saying "YES.". "I WILL!!".
mama already aware of this since i said to her i let her find a guy for me. .
i wanted to explore him after i marry him. wow... (:
i know it sounds lamely idiot, but i like it to be that way.
im not perfect too. so i dont wish him to be so perfectly perfect.
because if i know him so perfectly perfect for me, i will break down into tears,
and starts to think that im not for him.
i'll think he's just too perfect for unperfectly me.

i wish to marry someone,
someone that his profession is not same area as mine which is medicine area.
and not in the same area as my family which is army like my atok, my ayah, and my brother...
and my neighboors.. and my patient????? (if.... im working at hospital kementerian pertahanan). why suddenly all armies are living around me!!. ):



but for a moment,

I am an independent women..
am I????
if i know im going to regret by labelling myself this, i'll delete this entry ok.
but for a moment,
i dont need a guy.

cakap besar gila..
apa aku peduli..
ada aku kisah??????
do i look like i care???
haahaahaa...
those writing about knowledge, they think they are knowledgable enough.
and they are such a boringgggggg... (get out of here)
those writing about artists/ hollywood malaysiawood stars / whatever it is,
they are making people gossipping...
itu lagi bodoh.
so let me be
-me-

what a silly entry..
ok! sooner and later i'll delete it ok!
no.no.
i cant delete it.
its purely from me.
is not about being read, it's about being written.
(:


ugly looser...
stupid...
ugly faces..
brainless idiot..
shitbrain..


(:

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Girl's Inspire

1. Legally Blonde

story about a blonde girl who was got dumped by her boyfriend just because she's a 'blonde' but her boyfriend wanted someone a girl who is 'serious' which means 'educated' and 'boring'.
























So Elle was practically transformed herself to become a 'serious' type of girl by going to Harvard Law School. All her efforts transforming herself into someone was incredibly inspiring me.

Quoted by Aristotle:
" The law is reason free from passion"




















Quoted by by Elle Wood:
"Passion is a key ingredient to study and practice of law and of life.
It is with passion, courage of conviction and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world"

"Remembering that first impressions are not always correct.
You must always have faith in people,
and most importantly,
you must always have faith in yourself"







2. She's The Man

story about a girl who was dumped her boyfriend which was underestimaed her of playing soccer. Viola was pratically transforemed herself into her brother, sebastian and went to her brother's school and joined into football team.

Lastly..

3. Wild Child.

okey, this one is not a story about a girl who transformed herself into someone, but this movie was mostly emphasized about true friendship meanings are and how good friends can change a person into someone.












































Thursday, April 15, 2010