Thursday, July 29, 2010

sorry wall. another room decor.

another room decor.
sorry wall. seems that i just cant stop myself this time.
anyway, i do have good reasons,
i like to decorate my room because i live alone in this room..
i feel very empty. and i get scared like this room is being hunted of something.
and i do have evidence where i used to have nightmares every night.
so i have to do something so i don't develop this kind of paranoid or delusion of persecution.
and this room decor really helps me a lot.
now i am happy with my life!
feels like this room is living alive!haha.

ada monyet. ada burung hantu. ada katak. ada musang. ada siput. ada rama-rama. ada beruang ada arnab. ada spongebob.
oh. saya berada di wonderland!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

get well soon Azam..

i mostly use this blog to express my emotion especially during PMS. and now i am in PMS Mode.
i don't know why i suddenly cried just now because of remembering my brother who just undergone knee operation. last week i went back home, and to see him like that, depending on walking stick and knee support to go to the toilet or everywhere, cant sleep comfortably because of the knee support and the pain, can't go together if mama and ayah going out, like that day, me and mama and ayah, we went to mid valley and he wanted so much to go with us but he said he worried if people looking at him with his walking aid. =(
i know he must so boring staying at home everytime mama and ayah go out and mama have to buy food for him to eat if they going out for dinner or anything. so not fair to him right.. i know, he would never knew that he must undergoing for that kind of situation. maybe before the operation he thought that he just have to suffer with that walking aid to go to school, suffering from the pain and have to take medication and all that. but now, i know deep inside him he must regretting of himself because have to going through all of this kind of suffering.
huhuhu.. seriously not fair to him.. he didn't know he have to suffer that way. because he knows nothing about this all kind of medical - surgical things. because i didn't explain in details about everything what he must undergone through.. seriously stupid i am. =(
its been a week since he discharged from hospital Pusrawi, I'm a bit disappointed because he mentioned that none of the nurses had advice him regarding or nutrition for healing process, care of operation site, medications, follow up physio and other things, seriously how useless nurses there! lucky me his sister, so i advice him a lot about everything. yesterday i bought this knee support its like a socks, and Opsite to replace the origin one since the dressing of the operation site will be the next two weeks after follow up, (how stupid, have to wait for 2 weeks for the dressing?). i want to go back home and see his condition and give all this equipment that i bought. i want to know that he's fine and okay. because i know he must so disappointed and depress and plus, he cant play football for the moment. for healing process takes place. and that football thing, he's like MUST play it twice or trice a week! and now he have to wait for 3 - 4 months to play that his favorite sport! x(

get well soon Azam. I Love You.

Friday, July 23, 2010

wall climbing...

sometimes i feels like I'm climbing the wall.
i want to prove that if i can reach on top.
so that somebody up there can take my hand and pull me up.
at the same time,
i feels like i want to throw out myself falls from the wall.
just because i want to be save by somebody.

but when i fall, i realize that, i have nobody.
and when i realize there are nobody down here to save me,
i feels like i don't want to reach up there,
as if there are nobody to pull me up..

Monday, July 19, 2010

azam operation lutut

adikku azam operation besok. hari ni dia admit ward kat pusrawi.
dia memang dah compliant pain at knee dah 2 bulan lebih kot. aku dah suruh pegi check tapi dia ingat sakit-sakit biasa je.. mama aku pegi bawak dia pegi urut lutut lak tu!!!
aku dah agak dari awal lagi mesti ligament tear, ha, memang betul pon, kelmarin pegi buat x-ray memang ligament tear pon..
sekarang aku rasa bersalah GILA sebab dari awal lagi tak paksa dia pegi check.
walaupon aku ni blaja tinggi pon, tak guna je adik sendiri pon tak terjaga!!!
sekarang ni risau gila sebab besok dia operation. dia orang pertama diantara kitorang tiga beradik yang pegi operation. aku tahu aku ada masalah pembekuan darah, tapi tak tahu a kot-kot dia ada jugak. risaunye..
huhu.. cian adik aku ni.. mesti die tengah takot skang ni.. dia perlukan aku disisinya..
tapi aku ada kelas besok.. aku nak pegi melawat dia cam mane... (T.T)
sekrang ni aku fikir, kalau dia tanya aku,
"lepas operation ni, kalau dah baik, boleh ke dia main bola atau join sukan lasak lagi?"
macam mana aku nak jawab ek?
dia ni memang aktif gila dalam sukan. semua games dia join. macam mana kalau lepas op pon dia masih rasa sakit ke, or kena limit nak join sports lagi???
macam mana ni? ya Allah kenapa aku rasa macam bengap semacam je nih?!!!!
blaja ortho masa year 1, mana aku ingat!!! argh! aku takleh grad lagi! ilmu tak cukup di dada lagi!
huwaa.. azam.. isk3. sian kat ko.. harap besok aku dapat kebenaran nak gi melawat ko. T.T
ya Allah. tolong permudahkanlah segalanya..
tiada apa yang dapat aku risaukan melainkan keluarga aku saja.
kalau dia perlu rasa sakit, aku rela rasa sakitnya.
kalau dia perlu risau, aku rela rasa risaunya.
kalau dia perlu sedih, aku rela rasa sedihnya.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

luckily me and Tay

last thursday after finished pn santhana's class, me and tay, we went to Putrajaya to settled up a letter of good conduct. actually it wasn't planned properly that we want to go there since we thought that maybe we got class after lunch hour, but then when they said got no class, we rushed ourself went back home and get the things like passport, photocopy of ic and other important documents to bring along. so basically we're able to get things prepared and took a cap to bandar tasik selatan and KLIA transit train to go to Putrajaya. it was our first time in our life we took that fastest train ever and we were really like a kampong girls because when we get there, we were like "how to buy the ticket? where to go? where to wait for the train?" and the funny most was when the announcement was made about to " press the button to open the door" and we were like looking around to see if are there any buttons and we were like "where the hell is the button?!!". but that time the train wasn't arrive yet but we're looking around for the hell button anxiously. but then after the train arrived, and we were like, "owh i see... the button is at the door of the train.. so we have to press it to open it...". dammit. seriously like jakun. hahaha.

then we took the train and to me to for who to be called as such a 'budak kl', i feel like so jakun and so excitedly like 'this is my first time I'm taking the train', and the train was moving soo fast like crazy until i cant even catch a view at outside of the window, until i got dizzy and walking gaitly after went out from the train. if you ever had any experience of taking a flight, and when the flight is about to fly, and the flight was moving so fast in the track before flying, and that's how the feeling was. the train was like wanted to fly away, really.

so when we arrived to Putrajaya, we took a bus to go to Wisma Putra, the place to do the letter of good conduct. we actually didn't know what bus to take, and we just randomly asking people around and asking the information counter like tourists. but then, we managed to take the bus which called NadiPutra bus, and best part of taking a bus in Putrajaya was the ticket's fare was so cheaper. we just have to pay 50cent to go anywhere we want to go. seriously we were like so impressively jakun again when we paid for the ticket. oh ya i forgot to mention just now the ticket's fare of the KLIA transit was rm5.30 from bandar tasik selatan to Putrajaya. only one station. quite cheap right. so, if you plan to go to Alamanda for shopping, you just have to pay for KLIA transit from BTS for only rm5.30 and 5ocent for the NadiPutra bus. thats all. :) much cheaper rather than you go to KLCC or Midvalley by taking a cab. plus, there are quite plenty of buses that you can get at the Putrajaya.

so we were at Wisma Putra at 3.15pm when we arrived and that lady incharge for the letter of good conduct gave us a form but she said that we have to do the statutory declaration at the court (angkat sumpah), so we were rushed again, we're ran so fast like orang gila terlepas dari hospital mental to get a cab to go to the court because that lady said we have to submit the form before 4pm otherwise we have to come again for the next day. stupid. how was i supposed to know that office hour at Putrajaya is until 4pm? it supposed like 5pm right? so after we got the signature and cop from the mahkamah, then we're rushed back to Wisma Jaya at 3.45pm, submitted the form, and wait for the letter of good conduct. at 5pm, we got the letter, and we were the last clients in there like after settled it, they close the window. stupid really.

then, we took 50cent's Nadi Putra bus, and went to Alamanda, had dinner at Pizza Hut (it was not yet dinner time actually since it was at 5pm like that), and then i bought two winter clothes at Travel for All. lucky me there was a sale, so total up was rm225.40. huhu.. (;

then Pian messaged us that we have to be at laman midah at 6.45pm to go to DG Bangi for that jamuan pc and we were like What the hell? its 6pm right now! so again, we rushed crazily, took a bus to KLIA transit, and went to Bandar Tasik Selatan, and took a cab, and i was arrived at kolej at 7pm, took a shower, ironed my f1 shirt, and ran again to laman midah.

i managed to be there at a time and we went to ukm bangi, maghrib at Keris Mas, and i was like so exhausted. we really had a great time for the whole day and at that jamuan pc too, and although its quite a rushing day, we really enjoy it.

and today, we went to LCCT, book for the ticket. we prefer to take Air Asia since it is more cheaper than Airlines. so the date of departure will be on 25th Sept, 3.10pm and to return back at 20th Nov at 10.50pm. all fares for the ticket including meals and extra size for luggage was rm2,737. quite cheap right, rather than airlines which will cost more than rm4000. but its okay, as long as we can travel there, i dont even care if we have to naik tongkang pecah. but Tay la yang kena kayuh tongkang tuh. hahaha.

Monday, July 12, 2010

keep it low

agak kekecewaan sedikit setelah melihat result sem lepas yang jatuh. pointer pngk cuma naik 0.01 je..
tapi peliknya aku tak menangis lansung kali ni.. mungkin belum lagi kot. sebelum ni pointer yang jatuh tu walaupun masih atas 3.5, aku menangis macam ada orang mati. beriya betul. macam dalam drama hindustan je.. siap baling bantal lagi.. tapi kali ni pointer jatuh lagi, tapi macam rilek je pulak..
mungkin aku fikir, dah cukup ar pointer takat ni. malas dah aku nak kejar-kejar pointer ni. apa yang aku tahu dan aku dapat confirm, aku akan masih dapat ambil ijazah graduate next year, dan aku akan dapat bekerja dan bukan menganggur. aku pikir dapat pointer yang macam ni pon ok je. maintain kan saja, yang penting masih above 3.0 untuk back up kot-kot kalau nak sambung master..
mungkin orang lain tidak setuju dengan aku yang hanya nak maintain dan taknak fighting lagi, tapi itu pilihan aku. semua orang berhak membuat pilihan. aku memilih jalan untuk aku berasa selesa. kenapa aku mesti menghabiskan masa dewasa aku ni dengan tertekan sebab nak kejar sesuatu? mungkin sebelum ini itu adalah aku yang selalu nak dapat lebih dari orang lain, tapi manusia berubah. aku rasa aku dah tak larat dah nak kejar itu ini, baik aku duduk diam-diam, menyaksikan orang lain dan dunia, dan gembira dan bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada atau aku dah capai.
itu sudah cukup menyenangkan..
setakat ini aku rasa aku adalah manusia yang cukup bertuah sebab dapat banyak peluang. kalau dulu aku menyesal dan tak sabar nak habis blaja sebab boring masuk ukm lagi-lagi duduk kampus luar yang lansung takda campus ife ini, tapi kali ini aku rasa pantas betul masa berlalu, kini aku dah di tahun akhir, banyak dah aku lalui, banyak dah aku capai tak kisah la buruk atau baik perkara tu, yang penting, aku dah melalui proses itu. proses sebagai mahasiswi ukm. proses yang membentuk aku untuk diri aku yang sekarang, dan diriku untuk masa depan..

Saturday, July 10, 2010

surat cinta kesayangan ku junior baru.

aku dapat 25 surat cinta dari insan baru kesayanganku yang baru je hadir dalam hidup aku. surat tahun lepas ada yang hilang, ada yang masih disimpan, jadi kali ini aku nak letak kat dalam almari buruk aku ni supaya ia tidak hilang lagi sehingga ke akhir hayat sekalipun.. tapi ini cuma surat dari adik-adik kesayangan ku je la yang aku simpankan dalam ni, kalau surat cinta sebenar, sorry ar nak letak kat sini. haha..

terima kasih adik-adikku. akan akak semadikan kenangan kita di MMP di dalam hati dan surat cinta ini akan akak jadikan kekuatan untuk teruskan perjuangan ini.
piu-piu kap kap kap,
piu-piu kap kap kap,
mama mia mama ya,
mama mia mama ya,
i LOVE you!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

last day on friday MMP

hari ini hari terakhir kami untuk minggu orientasi pelajar baru di ukm bangi sebelum bertolak balik ke ktdi esok, tapi aku suka minggu orientasi kali ini, budak-budak junior ni memang bagus.
hari selasa kitorang buat 'on call' macam fire drill la, diorang kenan maki & marah-marah,
semua pc marah diorang ni tapi kali ni aku taknak la marah diorang dah.. so malam tu lepas paan marah-marah maki diorang, lepas tu tay pulak menjerit marah-marah diorang, seriously aku tak pernah tengok tay garang macam tu. dia marah tengking memang tahap gajah mengamuk dan aku tersentuh betul bila dia cakap, "kamu orang semua ingat saya ni pengutip sampah ke? saya ni pc makanan pagi-pagi bangun pukul 4 pagi nak ambil makanan kamu orang dengan caterer, lepas tu kamu semua biar sampah bersepah, meja kerusi tak tersusun, kamu ingat saya ni pekerja kutip sampah ke?"
ada banyak la yang dia marah, tapi aku memang mengalir air mata la lepas apa yang dia cakap semua tu.. lepas tu hazwani pulak marah-marah dorang, then dayana pon marah, aku betul2 menangis kot time tu sebab aku rasa memang betul kot apa pc tu semua cakap, aku kesian kat diorang lagi-lagi pc makanan, sampai tak ngam dengan pc makanan ktsn, pastu budak-budak tu buat perangai macam tu. budak-budak tu pulak lepas tengok aku dah meleleh air mata, diorang pon apa lagi, berjujuran la air mata..
then aku pulak bercakap dengan diorang, aku tak marah diorang, tapi cuma berkata sambil mengawal nak nangis. haha. aku bagi tahu, kita ni dah la terasa macam 'dipinggirkan' dekat ktdi ni, skang ni kat ukm bangi pon macam rasa 'dipinggirkan' jugak. dan aku cakap ni la last aku dapat tengok junior, dan semua expectation aku tak tercapai pon untuk group kali ni walaupon ramai lelaki, walaupon dah bertambah student, aku ingat kali ini berbeza, tapi sama je dengan yang sebelum ni. aku cakap, takda apa yang boleh dibanggakan denagn group kali ni.
tapi malam tu, bia semua pc dah bercakap & basuh diorang ni, budak junior ni semua memang nangis dan bersalaman dengan pc. aku pon touching gak ar, berjujuran air mata ni jugak. huhu. (T.T)
keesokkan harinya, hari rabu, diorang ni bersemangat sikit.. walaupon kumpulan kecil, tapi masa cheers kat DG, diorang memang semangat gila.. masa join simulasi dengan klinik sukan pon memang sangat bersemangat buat cheers.
malam tadi, hari khamis, aku zul, amir & acap pegi beli kek kat bangi nak celebrate birthday faez dengan dak junior yang lain. kedai tu dah tutup, aku dengan diorang memenag merayu-rayu kat akak tu suh bukak pintu, sebab kami nak beli kek. haha. lawak betul..
kami celebrate birthday diorang, nyanyi-nyanyi ramai-ramai, memang syok jugak.
semalam jugak pengalaman buruk aku bila kena kejar dengan beruk. huhu. tu la. create lagi cheers beruk, kan dah kena kejar. gila aku mencanak lari 100 meter masa kena sergah dengan beruk-beruk yang ramai dengan anak cucu diorang tu.. memang adrenaline rush time tu, memang aku menjerit mcam orang gila.. haha. malu betul..
at the end aku rasa, group kali ni lagi bagus dari group sebelum ni. ketua cheers pon pompuan, yang join kebudayaan pon ramai, aku pc kebudayaan lagi kali ni, budak-budak ni memang berbakat, fitri yang lelaki ni dah la join zapin, pergh, memang solute ar kat dia menari macam pro, dah le laki. pastu dia nak join orkestra pulak. wah, memang hebat gak la.
pastu yang lain, ada join angklung, kompang, tarian istana (aku suka!), shima pulak join theater jadi main character, boria, tarian moden, koir, dll. 17 orang semuanya.
memang sesuatu yang kagum jugak dengan diorang ni. dah la join sukan semuanya, pastu join kebudayaan jugak. penat tapi puas kot.
gtg. nak conduct ldk yang terakhir.