Monday, December 20, 2010

i am give up

they said i wont learn much
they said I'm scared of challenges
they said I'm too young to be wasted
they said i should gain much skills as possible
they said if i choose to do that, i would just as same as those who are not skilled enough
they said I'm choosing to be at the comfort zone
they said this is not united kingdom or united states or Singapore
so stop dreaming of being a mental health nurse.

huwaaaa...tolong laa... i only have 1 semester left... seems like they are right...
aku nak buat apa nie.. kadang-kadang aku rasa nak quit nursing..
dan buat course lain..
siapa dalam dunia ni yang support aku buat nursing? siapa??
tak ada. sorang pon takda yang support aku..(T.T)
dan aku pon tak tahu lepas abis blaja ni aku nak pilih apa..
aku tak suka buat pilihan.. sebab aku tak pandai. sekarang ni aku nak jadi apa ni wani?
kalau aku nak tuka course, aku nak buat course apa?
dulu aku minat sangat nak buat architecture. aku minat art jugak. aku nak jadi artist boleh tak. jadi pelukis ke, aku nak bukak nursery la. jaga budak-budak pon best gak. stakat cuci berak budak apa la sangat since aku penah cuci orang dewasa punya tak jadi masalah pon.
tak pon jadi cikgu tadika. aku pon dah amik subject education sem lepas so aku tahu la sikit-sikit cara pembelajaran kanak-kanak ikut umur kan. dan bila aku tengok cita jepun the queen's classroom cara cikgu gunakan punishment method macam best plak kan. tak pon jadi cikgu tusyen yang ajar budak nak spm. sebab aku boleh ajar adik aku kimia dan dia pon cakap aku ajar lagi paham dari cikgu sekolah dia.
tak pon aku keja kat office ke. takda la penat kan sebab duduk je. penat la keja jadi nurse kena jalan sana sini. kalo keja kat ward psy, kena lari sana lari sini kejar patient tak pon patient yang kejar kita so kena pandai melarikan diri.
keje kat wad pon kena lari-lari lagi. keje kat pejabat macam rileks je kan, tengok dalam movie, pastu hari-hari boleh bergaya nak pakai baju kaler kaler pon takda bermasalah.
ni jadi nurse asik pakai uniform sama je hari-hari. pastu kasut pon sama je hari-hari kaler putih. boring. yelah. memang lah bagus sebab jimat duit takyah nak shopping sakan beli baju. takyah nak beli-beli make up mahal-mahal sebab bukan boleh nak make up sangat pon.
boring nye. muka pon kusut masai je.
memang patut la orng asik pandang rendah je kat nurse.. memang patut pun.. aku ni je yang denial stage takleh terima dipandang rendah.. aku sorang je la berperangai macam nie nak wat camne.
ssooooo many reasons said that i should change my profession. its not too late yet. like some people said im too good to be a nurse. aargh..confuse nye..

and because I'll be a nurse, nobody likes me. =(

3 comments:

Rosmaliza said...

dats not true...i'm sure ur family is counting on u to finish ur study dear.... n although i'm not as close to u as i was but i support u... i noe one should be doing what he likes best...tp just one more semester...just one more wani... i mean, think about it. syg sgt if u let go...

norshazwani nasaruddin said...

thanks ros. to be true aku akan susah nak dapat kerja sebab

1. aku buat degree, most hospital hire diploma
2. aku under kementerian pengajian sbb most nurses yg ko jumpa kat hospital tu under kementerian kesihatan. either aku keja kat hospital universiti or hospital kkm yg hire diploma saja.

seriously i have to do something about this. i cant change the facts as above & malaysia health system memang macam hampeh. rasa nak keja kat luar negara sbb peluang lg cerah, tp aku rasza betray kat negara sndiri.

Rosmaliza said...

camtu ke... pape pun..fikir la baik2 wani... it's for ur future....
it doesn't matter where u work, as long as u're happy... ramai lg org keje kat luar negara, takde pulak nak kate betray kan... if negara sendiri cant appreciate ur brain, then y not wani.. y not??